I definitely did not eat half a box of Kraft Dinner (macaroni and cheese) right after doing my prenatal workout this week. I would never have such processed poisons in my house, nor would I ever feed them to my unborn child. And it was not the only workout I got in all week long.
I did not confiscate the telescoping mop handle from my two year old because he had taken it off the mop and was swinging it at his older brother. Furthermore, I did not then lose the handle and use it as an excuse not to mop for three days, leaving a squashed grape skin on the floor.
I did not let my children watch the same episode of "Word Girl" on an endless 10 min. loop while I washed the dishes from the day before, nor did I, the next day, let them watch an extra episode of Dora while I finished a blog post.