Siblings and new babies

I am 38 weeks today and I am scheduled to have this baby by C-section next Tuesday morning. It's a bit odd to know this time around when the baby is coming, but at the same time, sort of nice to be able to plan and not have this big unknown event hanging over me waiting to go off like a time bomb. I saw my Dr. yesterday and this baby still has not dropped, she said its likely this baby would not be born naturally either (my first labour failed to progress likely because my son's head couldn't/wouldn't drop down).
 As we live in a small town, our Hospital won't do VBAC's and if I had wanted to go that route, would have to have our baby in North Vancouver (an hour away), meaning all my prenatal appointments would have had to be there as well, meaning more time off work etc. etc. I did consider a Midwife as we have 1 in Squamish, but when I called her at 9 weeks pregnant she was already full for all of September (My due date was the 8th). She would have had to deliver the baby in North Van as well, but at least all of my appointments could have been closer to home. We are getting 2 more midwives, but they won't be practicing until October. Squamish is having a bit of a baby boom, for example my own Dr. had 10 babies due./born in August alone.

Anyways I guess I just provided all this back ground info on why I am not going for a VBAC, as people usually assume you should at least try. I am a little sad about not at least having trial labour, but based on the above I think this is the right choice for us.

Things that are occupying my thoughts this week are mostly about my first son, who is VERY excited about the baby. He now sleeps with his doll instead of his 2 puppies and wakes up every morning asking about his baby brother. We don't actually know the sex of the baby, but his friend Caleb has a baby brother so I think he just goes with that. At 2 (26 months) I am not sure he even gets the boy/girl thing (the concept in general), we remind him it may be a sister and that we have to wait and see.

Things we have done in preparing out first son for the new baby:

6 weeks ago we moved him into his room full time (he was co sleeping) into his own twin bed (I will blog about this process some other time).

Read stories about new babies. Mostly ones from the library; not just books about bringing a new baby home, but about babies in general. I did buy him the New Baby Little Critter  book, which has a little sister, I try to keep it gender neutral and just say "baby".

A doll- I bought him one at Christmas when we were first planning this baby and it is just a cabbage patch doll that actually ended up in the closet for a long time, but now we change it's diaper and swaddle it together.

Remind him about the routine for the day the baby is born: he will go to Nana's house, Mummy will go to the hospital and the Dr. will take the baby out from my tummy, and then Nana will bring him to hold the baby (he is very excited to hold the baby). Side note: We have been using this routine trick in other parts of his life as well, such as bed time or leaving somewhere, talking about 3 things that will happen so that he know what is coming. For example," we will read a story, then sing some songs, say our prayers, and then Mummy will leave the room for you to sleep",  we remind him during the routine this is what we are doing and we find that it works really well in avoiding melt downs.

I have also stocked up on little gifts for him so that when the baby gets gifts, he doesn't feel left out.

I know that Kris and Jill have blogged on this topic ages ago, but I can't find their posts (will look harder later), but I thought I would share my thoughts and see if anyone else has any tips to add.

Too Old For A Pacifier?

My daughter is 17 months now and I'm starting the process of weaning her from her soother. All three of my children have used pacifiers and all of them under different circumstances.  (I've previously written about my sookie babies here) My first started using one at about 6 weeks of age. He was a constant nurser and I needed something to help him comfort suck. My second I transitioned to a soother when he was an older baby, as he started to use me as a pacifier. My third was put on a paci at the hospital as a preemie in the NICU. Preemies are often put on a pacifier to help their jaw muscle development so that they can have the strength to become good nursers.
My first was weaned from the soother at about a year and a half. He had been finished nursing at 12 months. I used a 'lovey' (stuffed toy) to as a sleep aid rather than the paci. And then when we moved we 'lost' the soothers in the move.
My second was a little bit older to stop using a pacifier. It happened around his second birthday. He nursed for longer (17 months) and never did take to a 'lovey'. Getting rid of his paci was tougher as we couldn't find a good transition sleep/comfort object for him.
My third child is still nursing and I'm hoping that she nurses until close to her second birthday. I think as long as she is nursing before her nap and bedtime I will be using the soother with her. Right now I'm working on making it available only for sleep time. So far, it's working. Out of sight, out of mind.
As I've been re-reading and re-visiting the idea of pacifier weaning, I came across some articles that for lack of a better term fall into the great pacifier debate: "How old is too old for a pacifier?" It reminded me of once seeing a child who was about 6 still using a pacifier, out with his parents for the day. The look just took me by surprise. As much as I try not to judge parents, I couldn't help the thought of, "that's just not right". I will confess that I was a long term thumb sucker as a child (till age 6). One of the reasons I like(d) having my children on a pacifier rather than a thumb is that a pacifier can be taken away, a thumb can't. My parents had the cost of orthodontic bill for me to fix my crooked teeth partly caused by thumb sucking.
Famously in the media is celeb offspring, Suri Cruise, who at age 4 still uses her paci. Toddlers and Tiaras star Mackenzie has been caught on camera more than once freaking out looking for her 'ni ni'. (As a side note, wouldn't you love to see the Supernanny take on Mackenzie and her mother?)

So what's the big deal? When is a good age to remove the paci? How old is too old for it?
A paci is designed for infant use. We all know that sucking is an important part of an infant's development. Most pediatricians recommend losing the paci by age 1, and definitely by age 2. The rationale is to allow for the child to find another way of comforting themselves and to allow the child to develop proper speech. Yes, I've seen plenty of older children trying to speak with a paci in their mouth and you can't understand what they are saying. There is also the danger of using the paci as a way of keeping your child quiet. Daycare centres who are successful in not allowing the child to use a paci all day are often frustrated that the first thing the parent does when they pick their child up is put 'the plug in the mouth'.  I think pacifiers have their values and benefits, but they are not something that should be used long term.  If you are having troubles getting rid of the soother, there may be deeper parenting issues there.  Look at the reasons why you are using it.  Is it to make your child happy at all costs?  Is it to make your life easier and quieter?  Or, maybe you just aren't bothered by it and it isn't an issue for you.  I'm interested to hear what other moms think on this topic.  It's a great debate.  There are those who wear their status of "my child never used one" with pride.  There are others like me who found them useful, but were happy to be done with them once their purpose was served.  And then there are those who have long-term paci users.  I could be opening a can of worms here, but I think that's a good thing, I love a good debate.

God's Grace for Sleepy Moms

This morning at 5:40 my daughter awoke ready to nurse. The past couple of weeks that has meant nurse and then get up, but to my surprise she went back to sleep. As I unlatched her and went to go to sleep myself, she woke up completely. With a deep sigh, I said, "okay, let's get up". I checked the clock, it was almost 6:30. What?! How did that happen. She's an older baby (16 months) and rarely nurses longer than 5 or 10 minutes, and it really didn't seem like much longer than that. What happened here? Where's my missing time? I'm guessing we both fell asleep. Me sitting straight up in bed with a latched on baby.
This is not the first time this has happened. It just hasn't happened for a long time. I remember moments with my first child waking up in a rocking chair, baby still in arms 2 or 3 hours later. I'm so amazed that not one of my children has ever fallen out of my arms while I fall asleep with them. The only explanation I have for it is the grace of God. He must have guardian angels working overtime with sleepy moms and little ones. There are nights I recall waking up and thinking, "where is the baby?" because the last thing I remember was picking them up to nurse, only to find them sleeping soundly in their crib. I must have put them back in there, I just have no recollection of that happening. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there with tales like this.

Thomas Blackshears' Watchers in the Night

Dressing for Winter and Car Seat Safety

I was reflecting today how autumn seemed to slip away from me.  I can't avoid it any longer, after all Christmas is next week and we've already has a few dumps of snow in our neighbourhood.  Winter (or at least winter weather) is officially here.  It's cold.  We're into our mittens and warm hats.
Being Canadian, I take knowledge of how to dress for the weather for granted.  It gets cold, you add a layer, no big deal.  I have a friend who has recently moved here from Pakistan and the weather is quite a shock for her.  She finds the 10 degree (celcius) days of autumn cold.  She finds the -3 (plus a windchill to make it feel like -10) unbearable.  She was over the other morning for tea after we had dropped our sons off at school.  We both have daughters about the same age (1 year).  I undressed my little girl from her hat, mittens, lined fleece suit and boots and let her play.  My friend took a lot longer.  She removed a snowsuit, not one but two fleece suits, a scarf, mittens, and boots before her daughter was free to play.  "Is that too much?"  she asked.  "A little."  I said.  Her daughter may be warm, but also may be too warm and overheat.  So what's appropriate dress for cold weather like this.
Here's what my little one usually wears: a onesie with a sweater or a long sleeved shirt over top, a pair of babylegs (baby leg warmers), a pair of pants, and then either her snowsuit or a fleece bunting suit overtop.  A warm hat (that she can't get off herself) and mittens, socks and boots complete the outfit.  That's really all that is needed.   I'm a little wary of the safety of scarves (they can be tied too tight too easily, or, the end can get caught in a stroller wheel and pull to choke).  If you are out and about with a stroller you can always add a layer by adding a blanket too.
A lot of moms don't realize how big and bulky their little one becomes when dressing them for winter.  This affects the safety of strollers and car seats.  Fortunately, there is a lot more awareness around this issue.  Here's some ideas and tips to help you out.
First believe me when I say that adding snowsuits and layers affects the safety of the car seat.  You can check it out yourself.  Bring your car seat inside your home.  Dress your little one in full snow gear.  Now put them in their car seat.  Buckle them up.  Now take them out of the car seat.  Remove the snow gear.  Put your little one back in the car seat and buckle them up.  Take a look at how much excess seat belt has been pulled out to allow for the snow suit.  Quite a lot!  You may wonder what the big deal is.  Unfortunately there are instances of families being a car crash.  Due to the force of the crash the baby was fully ejected from the car seat because of the amount of room let out to allow for the snowsuit.  So what can you do?  You want your little one to be both warm and safe.
1.  Dress your baby in a lined fleece suit.  It's thin enough to be safe, but warm enough to be warm.  You can always add a blanket on top.  (I've found this to be the best with littler ones)
2.  Have your little one in their snowsuit until you get to the car.  Take the snow suit off and belt them in the car seat.  Then, put their jacket on backwards over their arms. (I do this with my older boy who is three.  He doesn't wear snow pants in the car.  He brings them if we are going somewhere that he needs them, but most of the time he leaves them at home.
3. Little babies in infant seats can use a car seat cover.  You want to get the kind that fits over top of the whole car seat as opposed to the kind that you belt in.  Nothing should be behind your little one in the car seat.  I don't know why they continue to make these things, but they aren't safe!
Winter can be a pain for lots of reasons.  The multi-layer dressing is just one of them.  Give yourself time to do it right.  Lets keep our kids warm and safe this winter!

Babyfood Recipes

A few months back I posted how I was going to attempt to make all of my daughter's food. She is 10 months old now and I have been successful at it.  Yay!  It's been a lot easier than I thought it would be.  I thought I would share a few of my recipes and tips with you all.

Chicken and Veggies

I usually buy a rotisserie chicken when I go shopping to use in meals.  To use it with baby food, I take about a cup of meat and chop it up.  I add it to a baked squash or a few baked sweet potatoes in a mixing bowl. Add a little bit of chicken broth and puree with a hand blender.  She loves it.

Beef Stew

1 pound stewing beef - cut into 1 inch slices
3 carrots, peeled and sliced
2 potatoes, peeled and sliced into chunks
1 cup frozen peas
enough water to cover the food
1 tbsp beef boullion

Boil everything together until the meat and veggies are soft.  Add water as necessary.  Puree with a hand blender.

Apricots and ?

To make a good apricot puree, re-hydrate dried apricots with a enough water to cover them up.  Boil for about 10 minutes.  Puree right in the pot.  I like to make apricot plus another fruit mix.  To make apricots and bananas, I take 2 bananas, slice them and lay them out on a piece of aluminum foil.  Scoop a good portion of the apricot puree on top.  Add a little bit of vanilla (1 tsp).  Wrap the fruit up into a package and bake it at 325 for 20 minutes.  Once the fruit is all soft, empty the packet out into a mixing bowl and puree everything together with a hand blender.  I do the same with apricot and apple, just substitute a couple of peeled, cored and sliced apples for the banana.  And yes, I've done this with just the apple and banana and it works great too.  Very tasty!

How to store your baby food:

Spoon into ice cube trays.  I label the trays with a dry-erase marker so I remember what's in there.  The next day pop the cubes into freezer bags, make sure to label them and date the food, so you know what you have and when you made it.  Baby food in the freezer can be kept and used for 3-6 months.  Thawed food can be kept refrigerated for a couple of days.  The great thing with the cubes is that there is very little waste.  You get a good sense of how much your little one will eat and you just need to defrost/heat that much.  I usually microwave 2-3 cubes for about 40 seconds.  But be sure to stir and check the temperature before you serve it.  You don't want your baby to get a burnt tongue from a hot spot.  Have fun and be creative!

Night Weaning

One of our faithful readers has asked a question about weaning, and I thought I would respond with a little bit of my experience. Usually, around 15 months, I get tired. Not just sleepy a bit during the day, but more of a bone deep, mind numbing, I haven't-had-a-long-stretch-of-sleep-in-18-months exhausted. All higher brain functions has ceased. All emotional control starts to fall away, leaving me a grumpy mommy just on the verge of breaking into a seething rage at any moment. Its not a happy sight, ladies.

This is the time that I usually consider the first stage of weaning for me -- night weaning. I know that a toddler at this age does not need to nurse for nutritional reasons. They are eating enough during the day to sustain themselves. They are simply used to the comfort of sucking back to sleep. Since they are sleeping right next to me, it takes more energy to settle them back to sleep in any other way. But when I start to deeply and seriously wear out, it is time for a change.

I would not suggest night weaning before your baby is eating a lot of solids during the day, or before they are able to make it through the night without being hungry. If you notice that baby is busy during the day and consuming most of their calories in the night, start to slow them down and encourage them to eat and nurse more during the day before you attempt to night wean. It will probably take a week or two to get them into better day time eating habits. Once they are eating better during the day, you can start night weaning.

First, let me say that there is a great section on this in Dr. Sears' The Baby Book. He mentions that since the baby is used to being comforted back to sleep, you need to give them a transitional comfort to help them back to sleep. The first stage should be to try to just pat or snuggle baby back to sleep. If baby starts to cry, Dad should get up with baby and walk / sing / snuggle him back to sleep. In this way, the baby is not deprived of comfort, he is just comforted by a different care giver.

This never worked for us, because my husband needs more sleep than I do, and he was working full time while I was staying at home when our babies were this age. This is just a fact about our physical make-ups that we both know. I can get by with less sleep than he can, so I do.

Kris suggested introducing a pacifier. This worked with her middle son and helped him to soothe to sleep and transition from the breast to nothing. This is another great option if you baby is comfort sucking and will take it. For some kids a teddy bear or other softie or blanket might be helpful in comforting babies back to sleep.

Usually, after a week or so, kids get used to their transitional sleep object, and realize they are not going to nurse back to sleep. They start to move from sleep cycle to sleep cycle a bit more smoothly and no longer wake you up as much at night.

For my kids, transitional objects didn't work, so I got up and walked them in the sling or rocked them. Yes, this did mean that my sleep was interrupted more for a few weeks. But I kept the long term goal in mind and kept with it. They would cry for a little bit, and then gradually fall back to sleep for two or three wakings. With both boys, I found that it was the 2 or 3 am waking that was the most difficult. I don't know if they were actually hungry, or just less tired and more willing to fight, but this waking was the most persistent and was the one where they would put up the most fight.

For this waking I followed one of Dr Sears' suggestions, and told them "The nums come back when the sun comes up". This gave them a tangible signal for when they would get to nurse again, and it gave me some way to reassure them that this was not forever. With my oldest son I realized that this was not the best thing to say in a northern climate in June, since the sun comes up at about 3am, but none the less, it was helpful.

For this waking, we had a few days of crying and screaming with my oldest son. I rocked and snuggled him and eventually he fell back to sleep. He learned in about a week that he was not going to get nursed. This was still the waking stage where he had the most trouble falling back to sleep, but after about 2 weeks of nightly sling walks, he did start to fall back to sleep just by snuggling next to me in bed. By the end of the second week, I only had to walk him in the sling a couple of times a week, and by the end of the month we didn't have to used the sling at all.

My second son was more persistent (we have found that this is simply his personality in all things). He fought for about two weeks, and would be awake for up to two hours during this time. I would rock him and read him books with the lights dimmed until he was ready to fall asleep, so that he wouldn't wake up his brother and cause complete chaos. I have a vivid memory of the night he finally realized that mama was not going to give in. We had been reading books, and then he started throwing the books away. I tried rocking him in the chair, and he climbed out. I tried walking him in the sling, and he climbed out. I sat him on the floor. He sat and started at me and screamed for a while. I persisted with telling him "No nums until the sun comes up." He quieted, looked at me for a minute, then collapsed sideways, asleep, on the floor. I left him there, grabbed a blanket and collapsed next to him.

I know, this sounds terrible. But sometimes, my children's wants -- not their actual needs, but their preferred way of operating -- has to come second to my real, actual needs. In this case, my need for real sleep so I could function properly during the day, took preference.

For us, this was the first step to weaning. I waited a few months for this to settle in before I proceeded to daytime weaning.

Signing With Your Baby - A Guest Post

We are so pleased to introduce our friend Anna of Anna's Place to you.  Anna is mom to a fantastic toddler (that's her cutie in the video below) and has been teaching him to sign as part of his language development.  She is our first guest poster and we couldn't be more happy to have her share on Clever Mamas!

Signing “Please” and “Thank you“

At 15 months while a very chatty child, my son actually only has about 5-6 words that he says, on the other hand he also has about 5-6 words that he signs. When my son was about a year he started pulling at my shirt when he wanted to nurse, and I have always thought that type of communication is unacceptable, so I decided to teach him to sign so he would be able tell me what he needs.

We started with a few basics such as “hungry”, “all done”, “more”, “nurse” (“milk”), and have added to them as needed.  My favourites are probably “please” and “thank you”, which he uses consistently; I am so happy that we were able to start with good manner from such a young age. Recently I decided we are going learn the sign for ‘Sorry”, this for when I accidentally bump him into something or step on him, but also for when he intentionally smacks me or disobeys.

While I am at work my son stays with his grandparents who are also pleased with the results of signing; I encouraged them to sign with him by sending along cue posters and a link to an online video signing dictionary (http://www.babysignlanguage.com/).

Both my husband and father-in-law were concerned that if my son started signing, he would be delayed in actually learning to speak, however based on research it is reported that children who sign actually have advanced literacy skills (this fact from my mother, an OT at the Fraser Valley Child Development Centre).

Other advantages to signing with your child:

·         Less frustration from both parent and child in communicating with each other

·         Teaches good manners early

·         Reportedly can increase IQ and creativity, and improve spatial reasoning


Teaching him was relatively easy, I worked on a few signs at a time, I would use his hands to mimic what I wanted him to say and we always speak the word when we sign it. I think we taught him to sign “please” and “more” while eating ice cream, so it went very quickly. I am not fussy about him getting it exactly right, he rubs both hands on his belly for “please” instead of one hand on his chest, and he smacks his mouth with his hand for thank you instead of bringing his hand down from his chin. Just as I don’t expect his spoken works to be perfect, I don’t expect his signs to be perfect.  I have to say I was probably more pleased with his first signing than I was when he first started talking, this could be because his first spoken word was “no” and his first signed word was “please”.

Teething Troubles

My little girl could be nicknamed 'Queen of the Drool' right now.  She has been teething seriously since June and no teeth through yet.  She soaks through her shirt within an hour of wearing it.  I've been looking at ways to help her out because let's face it, when you are 8 months old and in pain that you can't figure out, you need help.  Also, I don't want to keep her on Infant Tylenol (or any other form of medicine for that matter) indefinately.
Here's my list of top 'help my baby out while teething tips.

I will admit that I heard about the first one with my first 2 kids and was nervous to try it, so I didn't.  A mom that I trust completely mentioned it to me last week.  She said it was the only thing that helped when her little ones were in teething pain.  So, very cautiously and completely supervised I let my daughter try it out.  Basically, you let your baby knaw on a frozen bagel.  The bagel kind of flakes off into little pieces as they wear away at.   So far there hasn't been an issue with choking, but like anytime I give her food, I'm right beside her ready and aware.  She loves this so much and goes from crying in pain to happy girl almost instantly.

The Whoozit series of toys from Manhattan Baby.  These are the basic Whoozits.  We call them Mr. Whoozit and Mrs. Whoozit.  They are easy to hold and have lots of places for baby to chew.

I heard someone describe Sophie the Giraffe as Baby Crack once.  I was a real skeptic about it.  My mom bought her one (what would we do without Grammas?)  She goes to town on Sophie.  Again, it's a very easy to hold toy and it was designed especially for this purpose.

Never underestimate the power of a cold, damp face cloth.  You know you have a ton of them in the house anyway for baby's bath and wiping their face after meals.  My daughter loves chewing on them.  Sometimes I wet them, twist them and freeze them, but she's just as happy to take it from me unfrozen.  I know some keener moms who dip the cloths in breast milk and then freeze them, but I'm not that organized.

Finally, never underestimate the power of Dad's (or Mom's) thumb. My older kids call this my daughter's favorite teething toy and it's true.

The Chase is On . . .

So, my baby, Emma has started crawling. About a month ago she started moving, and now she is constantly on the go. There are advantages and disadvantages to this stage.

One of my favorite things about it is watching Emma investigate the world. Everything is so exciting and new. She picks up each object she comes across, moves it from hand to hand, puts it in her mouth, bangs it, drops it, looks at it, picks it up, and then either carries it with her or throws it away, and moves on. The she finds two things next to each other, picks them up, bangs them together, rubs them against each other, and then drops them and moves on. I love watching baby's natural curiosity and experimental instinct developing.

I love watching how social our third child is. She loves to crawl into the middle of what ever the boys are playing with and just sit and watch and"socialize". She likes to follow Dad around until he picks her up, or pull up to standing on the edge of his chair to "visit" while he's working on the computer.

On the down side, we are in the throes of the diaper chase. Emma just wants to get up and crawl away when I lie her down to take off her diaper. This means chasing around a wet or, worse, dirty baby trying to get everything wiped off her without it getting spread everywhere else. I remember with Andrew, my first, I was so frustrated by this stage. This time around I have more of a sense of humour. I know its just a matter of time before she starts lying still for diaper changes again, so I just try to keep the mess to a minimum and wipe on the go.

Of course, the other famous down side of this stage is having a human carpet sweeper around. With two boys who love legos and Playmobil, this is a challenge. Emma loves to shove her mouth full of Playmobil hair and helmets, which are just the perfect size to get caught down her throat. It means a lot more vigilance about what is on the floor and in her mouth. I try to look on the positive and remind myself that its helping me keep things tidy and clean -- well, the floor is neat and tidy, anyway.

What do you love / hate about the crawling stage?

By the way, friends, this will be my (Jill's) last post for a few weeks. We are moving cross country, and I will be busy and then offline until close to the end of August. Looking forward to chatting again then.

Adventures in Babyfood

My 6 month old daughter has recently started eating solids.  And I have a confession to make, my first 2 children ate commercially made baby food.  I know, it's so not crunchy granola mama of me (but remember I'm the one who uses disposable diapers, Jill's the one who uses cloth).  Now that this is my 3rd baby, I've decided to go a different route.  I know it's easy to do, I've just never done it much before...I'm going to make my own baby food.  As much as possible I want to avoid anything that jacks up the price of something edible just because it has the word "baby" on the jar.  Am I going to be 100%?  Probably not.  I have no idea how to make baby cereal other than what is in the store, but the other stuff looks pretty easy.  The first foods that she has had have been.  Take bananas.  I already buy bananas for the rest of us.  How difficult is it to break off a piece and mash it with a fork until smooth?  Not very, and she loves it.  Okay, maybe that isn't the best example because pre-mashed banana is one thing I've never bought in a jar for my kids.  But how about applesauce?  I always have a jar of organic applesauce in the house, it's much the same as what is in the baby food aisle, but without the high price tag.  I also make a great applesauce that my kids love and I'm sure she will love too.
So then I tried my hand at basic veggies.  Peas and carrots.  Pretty easy, boil them and puree them.  I have a hand blender, it works like a charm.   Peas can be pureed with the a little bit of the water you cooked them in.  With carrots you have to watch out for nitrates, so discard the water (add a little fresh water if you need help getting the puree smooth).  Those veggies are now freezing in ice cube trays as I type, ready to be popped into airtight ziplock bags tomorrow.
I'm looking forward to the food possibilities that I can make on my own: squash, green beans, avacado, peaches...The world of fruit and veggies looks pretty good right now.  I don't know why I thought this was a lot of work.  It's a little later on when I try my hand at meats that I'm wondering about.  How finely do they puree?  Any tricks and tips out there?
One interesting side note is that of my picky 3 year old eater.  He surprised the heck out of me when he asked for a chunk of banana yesterday, and then actually ate it.  Remember this is the child that refuses all fruit and veggies in their natural form and I usually end up hiding in something for him.  I'm wondering if the sibling jealousy of watching his baby sister get attention over eating food is getting to him?  I'm kinda hoping the answer is yes.

Food for Thought - Why does our culture fight our nature?

I got my new issue of Today's Parent in the mail this week and I read the most interesting article in it. Well, I found it interesting because it confirms something I believed in quite naturally that our culture would have wanted to correct me on. Let me explain: I'm a breastfeeding mama. I've nursed all three of my children. What's one thing that you always hear about nursing your babies and sleep? "Don't let your baby get in the habit of falling asleep while nursing!" It's one of the supposed sins of parenting. Apparently that's just a terribly bad habit. Well, I am one parent who admits to nursing her babies to sleep. I rocked them to sleep. I cuddled them to sleep. All things that we are not supposed to do because we are supposed to teach baby how to go to sleep on their own. That is one of the goals in our culture.
Here's a quote I read this week: "Babies are biologically designed to sleep at the breast. It's clear from the composition of the milk and the baby's hormonal response to nursing that babies are meant to go to sleep in association with breastfeeding. Human milk even changes over the day to have more sleep-inducing components during the evening and at night." Beth McMillan, lactation consultant (Today's Parent, June 2010).
This quote is prefaced with the response of sometimes it is okay to let your baby to fall asleep at the breast, and sometimes it isn't. My second child was one who needed to be woken up at feeding time to make sure he was getting a full feed as a newbie. He wasn't gaining weight properly and was in a vicious sleep/eat cycle. But, once a baby is established in feeding and is gaining weight properly, I believe it is perfectly natural to let a baby fall asleep at the breast at the end of a feed. They don't have to stay there. My daughter does this at night. I then transfer her to her bassinet to sleep, and she sleeps well.
It's funny, I wonder if perhaps our culture isn't so completely bent on proving that humans are so different from every other creature on earth that we forget that we are by nature mammals. Think of other mammals in the world. How do their babies interact with their mamas? Puppies, kittens, piglets, and chimps, they all snuggle with their mamas. They nurse and the fall asleep all cuddled up together. I remember meeting another mama once at a conference (we were the only 2 nursing women there and the only ones who brought a child with them). In a whispered voice she admitted to me that she nursed her son to sleep. I looked at her and said, mine does the same thing. Well, you should have seen the look on her face. The anxious guilt just melted away. Incredible.
Baby eats. Baby is full. Baby is snuggly and content. Baby is relaxed and falls asleep in mama's arms. Mama has a peaceful child. Mama is relaxed too. So why are we punishing ourselves over this again?

But you turned out okay!

I am a child of the 70's. My mom loved me lots and did everything in her power to take the absolute best care of me (and my brother). She was educated on infant and child development and followed the advice given to her by professionals. I'm now a 21st Century parent. I too love my children and am doing everything in my power to take the absolute best care of them. I too educate myself on infant and child development and follow the advice given to my by professionals. So what's the difference? The difference is that we have been given different advice.
My mom raised us in a time when long term breastfeeding was not an encouraged practice. Bottles and formula were the thing. Parents were told to give their babies cereal at a few weeks old as it would help fill them up and they would sleep longer.
I'm raising my kids at a time where long term breastfeeding is recommended and encouraged. The formulas that we give our babies are more scientifically designed and much healthier for our babies. We are told to hold off on all solids for the first 6 months (even that advice changed since my oldest was an infant, 6 years ago the recommendation was 4-6 months). So what's the difference? About 30 years of research. So what's the problem? Many grandmothers, Aunties and well intentioned older ladies love these babies too and want to help you out. They do what women do best, give advice (notice I didn't say meddle or interfere?). The problem is the advice they have is 30 years out of date and like most women, many will get incensed at the idea that they could be wrong about something, often responding, "well I did that with you and you turned out okay!" (or your husband, or whoever). There is a very kind way to deal with this. My favorite comes from a letter I found from Dr. Sears:

Attention all Grandmothers:

Much has been learned over the past thirty years about infant nutrition and development. Many practices that were common three decades ago are now known to be unhealthy, maybe even dangerous to a young infant.

I know that the experts told you to start feeding your babies cereal after a few weeks of life; and you followed their advice because you loved your children. Now we know that an infant's gut is not ready for solid foods until around six months of age. If you start a food too early, he is much more likely to become allergic to it. This can result in damage to the intestines, weight loss, blood in the stool, and malnutrition. You might argue, "Well, my kids started solid foods at three weeks, and they turned out just fine." The truth is, very few adults have perfectly working digestive tracts. Just look at all the commercials for heartburn remedies and stool softeners... "ever feel gassy and bloated after a meal?"

Here is what the experts are saying now:

* Breastfeed for at least one year.
* Start cereal and other solids after six months of age.

Grammy, please let your daughters follow this advice, because they love your grandchildren as much as you do.
Dr. Jim

I love it. Perfectly worded, and by an expert in infant and child development. Remember these lovely ladies are not trying to frustrate you, they are trying to love your kids. You are the mom now. Make your wishes known (politely, we're not trying to start WW3 in the family) about feeding your baby, especially if they are going to be the baby's caretakers once in a while, and be ready to back yourself up with facts. It's quite possible that the reason we are seeing more people our age with bowel issues like Crohn's disease relates back to incorrect infant feeding when we were infants. Just be ready for both responses. Hopefully all will be well and you'll be greeted with understanding. But you also need to be ready for the opposite. It's okay to disagree here, but you are the parent, you are the one who is the key decision maker here. Be polite but firm. Look at all the other advice parents were given 30 years ago that doesn't hold true today:
-babies were put on their tummies to sleep (My sister in law was putting her baby on her tummy to sleep, because that's what she knew to do...until her pediatrician told her that 2 babies in the area had died recently from SIDS who were sleeping on their tummies.)
-car seats and seat belts were optional (I actually remember when wearing a seat belt became law in my province. I can't even imagine not wearing a seat belt today, have you ever walked into a room dealing with automobile trauma? My mom has, she was an OR RN for over 30 years, it ain't pretty.)
-women were allowed to smoke and drink during pregnancy (Have you ever met a child with FAS or FAE? I have. I've taught a few in my career, a very preventable diagnosis that these children will have to live with for the rest of their lives.)
Really, we all have the same interest in mind. We love these children passionately and want the best for them, sometimes we just need to keep ourselves and the other around us educated about what the best is.

A Confession

As a mother I am really terrible at some things. I can't swaddle a baby very well (they always find their way out), I have a hard time remembering to give my babies vitamin D daily (thought I'm doing much better at this with my 3rd than I did my 1st) and I am terrible, terrible when it come to tummy time. I know it's important in their muscle development, but it pains me to watch my baby struggle and cry about it. I think, "oh, I'm doing something horrible to you" and then flip them over to give them some peace. There, I'm glad I got that out.

The Incredible Growing Baby and the Clothes that go with it

We recently moved from a small Canadian city to a big one, a very big one. We also just had our third baby, our first girl. Ah yes a girl. An invitation to all things cute and pink. I was out shopping the other day and I just happened to walk by the baby section of the Bay. Okay really, I'm loving being able to look at the little girl clothes, previously I could only do so when shopping for my niece. It's very rare that people do a double take in real life, but I really did have one of those double take moments. There was a plain pink outfit. Soft fleece pants and a matching shirt. The price was $70. That's right $70! Oh and yes, the shirt happened to have a little tiny logo of a polo player. Yes, I was looking at Ralph Lauren's baby layette collection. Now, if people want to spend $70 just to have that little logo on their baby I guess that's up to them. Personally, I think it's more than slightly ridiculous (no offense Ralph). As I said, this is my third baby. Babies, especially small babies, wear their clothing for no more than a few months. And let's not forget, "spit happens", so does baby poop. Diaper explosions are no secret among the mom community (the whole reason I'm a big fan of Shout). I know that I can spend a lot less money on something pretty much identical (minus the polo player logo). Maybe that's where I'm showing my colours of "hello, I am clearly not from the big city".
Big city living does have some shopping for baby advantages though. I have rediscovered the beauty that is an outlet mall. My sister in law is the expert at finding absolutely beautiful, quality clothing for her children (and mine) without spending a lot of money. She cued me back into some of this. I did a little googling and found a Children's Place outlet about half an hour from home. I took my kids in to have a look. I found a lovely long sleeved shirt for my daughter for $2.99, jeans for my 3 year old for $5.99 and pants for my 5 year old for $12.99. Both boys also got sunglasses for $4 and $5 respectively. I know it's not Ralph Lauren, but it is quality clothing for less.
I'm also a big fan of the Joe line (sold at Loblaw's/Superstores across the country). They are cute, well made clothes that don't cost a fortune.
Please Mum is also a big favorite of mine, they have the most incredible sales and when they do, look out! I love finding a good deal.
Let's face it, kids grow fast. They get clothes good and dirty as well. The average family needs to be able to find a good deal when dressing their kids. I would rather shop with the sales and get the quality that I like than cheaping out and buying clothes that aren't as great for the same price. I've made that mistake too. Bought clothes that had a great price but not a great quality, only to have them fall apart in the wash (you'll end up spending more money overall if you do that).
And yes, I do keep clothes my children have grown out of to save it for the next child growing up into that size. There's nothing wrong with hand me downs when you are budgeting (another good reason to find quality).
Where do you find your deals? How do you keep your kids well dressed while staying on budget? I'd love to know where the other deals are! Also, here's your moment to brag about a good deal...what was the best deal you remember finding?

*None of the above companies are giving me anything to endorse their clothes on my blog, but I'd love it if they would :o)

Good Morning?

Please excuse any bleary eyed typos, it's been one of those nights with the baby. I was so pleased that she had seemed to realise that midnight to 4am was not awake time the past 2 weeks and lulled into the belief that I had finally had the perfect child. One who sleeps at night, wakes to eat and goes right back to sleep again. I had forgotten that a baby's sleep cycle is completely different from ours and that her awake time rotated a little bit at a time. So sneaky that. And not appreciated at all while wandering the halls this morning at 3:30am pleading with her to sleep (she finally caved at about 10 past 4).
The notion of sleep while baby sleeps works very, very well when it is your first baby. The third baby? It's a nice thought, but not at all practical when you have a kindergarten child to get up and ready. And let's not forget the preschooler looking for mama to play with him once brother is at school. So this morning I'm compromising. My kindergarten child is safely delivered to school. My preschooler and I are just finishing our banana bread breakfast, and I'm quite content to let him watch a little Playhouse Disney while I snooze on the futon in the living room. He can cuddle up with me. As for baby? She's out cold in the downstairs bassinet.

Are Babies Really Confused?

There's been a lot of talk on the idea of nipple confusion. I don't think babies are confused as much as have a developed preference. Bottle feeding is a lot less work for them, so really it just makes sense if you are breastfeeding to wait to introduce a bottle. Make sure your supply is up and breastfeeding is well established before offering a bottle. By the same token if you do want your baby to bottle feed once in a while, don't wait as long as I did with my second child. He was 5 months old and wouldn't take it. He only wanted the goods from the source. A panic for me who was getting ready to go back to work. Generally speaking, wait a good month or so, then give it a try. You certainly can pump and freeze your milk in the meantime to have some ready for when you are ready for an evening out sans baby.
One nurse that I met with with my first child had me so worked up over this idea of nipple confusion that I was panicked to offer him a pacifier. So you can imagine my surprise when my newest addition was offered a pacifier in the hospital by the nurses. What was this? What about the nipple confusion? She hasn't figured out breastfeeding yet! The answer? Non-nutritive sucking. Babies have a strong desire to suck. It is an important part of their development. Sucking on a pacifier helps build their jaw and muscle strength (making for better breastfeeding). And let's face it, they are going to figure out pretty fast that the pacifier does not supply them with food. They will spit it out and demand the real thing. And it may just do what it should, soothe them. (makes me wish I'd listened to my instincts with my first and just given him the soother when I knew he wasn't hungry, he just wanted to suck). I think that's the mistake that pacifier opponents are worried about, parents over using the soother. Giving it instead of the breast. Or, too early from feeding so that the baby doesn't really get a good feed with the hindmilk causing the baby not to gain weight. Like anything with parenting decisions, use common sense when it comes to pacifier use. The'll take it if they want it.

Life in the NICU - Community

This is my last post on life in the NICU. I'm a couple of weeks removed from it now and think I've gotten most of what I wanted to say out of me. One last thing that struck me is how much community support I've gotten on this journey. First, from the staff at the NICU itself. They know what an unexpected journey having a preemie baby is. They are wonderfully well trained to not only help your baby get through, but also to help you get through too. Secondly, the other parents whose babies are in the NICU at the same time. You are all on different parts of the journey. You may not chat very much (if at all), but you know by the looks and smiles at each other that you all understand. Finally, my most unexpected source of NICU community was found online. A number of people have contacted me who have been through the NICU journey (on both this blog and my others). I was really touched and encouraged by your messages. So thank you!
If you are reading this post at some point because you are going through an NICU journey, don't hesitate to leave me a comment to let me know. I'd love to be a voice of encouragement for you. You aren't in this journey alone.

The Amazing Baby Race

How timely that Jill should post on babies & sleep so recently. Today I find myself once again in the middle of the Amazing Baby Race. I know I'm nearing the end of this round so you'll have to excuse any typos. This round is the laundry/assist the boys room clean up/make & eat lunch/check my email and write one blog post round. What is the Amazing Baby Race you ask? It's the stretch of time you have between baby feeds while baby is happy and napping to get whatever you can get done done. This morning we played the have a shower/get boys breakfast/help 2 year old dress/eat my own breakfast/do one round of laundry/unload and reload the dishwasher round. I'm always impressed if I can do this and walk my oldest to school as well (today is Saturday so that was one less task to do). What impressive stretches have you managed in your own Amazing Baby Race?

Some Thoughts on Sleep and Babies

Sleep. Anyone with young children will tell you that one of their biggest priorities is getting enough sleep. And one of the biggest hot button issues in the mommy wars is the question of sleep training. Should you train your baby to sleep longer? If so, at what age? Using what method? I am not a sleep trainer, and that is not really what this post is about anyway.

Both of my boys slept in short chunks. My oldest never slept more than 2 hrs straight until he was about 6 months, and still sleeps very little for his age. My second son maxxed out at 4 hrs of straight sleep all through his first year. I co-slept with my boys and at around 18 months, when I felt constant sleep deprivation turning me into an ogre, I night weaned them. Despite this fact, they still woke up at night at least once. My three year old still wakes every night to go pee and have a drink, right around the same time I used to wake up to nurse him.

That being said, I had always thought that people who said their young babies slept for 6 or 7 hrs straight were just lying to me. And then, I had Emma. She has slept 6 hours straight at night since she was about 2 weeks old. And she sleeps around 18 hrs a day most days. She is amazing. Now if only she slept at the same time as her brothers did, I would be set for life.

This brings me to a simple, often overlooked conclusion: Babies sleep when they sleep. Babies sleep as much as they need to. Some sleep more, and in longer chunks. Some sleep in shorter chunks, and need less sleep.

I've always wondered why this surprises us so much. After all, I need 7 or 8 hrs of sleep a night to be healthy and in optimal condition for the day. My husband needs more like 10 hours of sleep. My father only slept for 5 or 6 hours a night and had plenty of energy. Some adults are light sleepers, while some sleep heavily. In adults, we expect variations in sleep patterns and habits. And yet we expect our children to all sleep in an ordered, controlled, predictable fashion.

Yes, it is inconvenient for us when our children don't need as much sleep as we do. Yes, it is frustrating when we must stay up late with one child, and wake up early with another. It is disruptive to our schedules and lives when our baby sleeps all day and is awake all night, or only sleeps in two hour chunks. But just like adults, babies are people. People with their own unique rhythms and needs.

Life in the NICU - the monitors

The monitors will drive you nuts if you let them. All the babies in the NICU are hooked up to monitors. They keep track of their heartrate, oxygen saturation levels and Resps. They are a guide. And they aren't fool proof. It's pretty scary to watch your child's heartrate monitor flatline, but when you look down at them you know they are breathing and nice and pink. Sometimes it's just the monitor not picking it up. Or your child has squirmed so much that the monitors are now on top of each other and not reading correctly. Don't jump at all the bells and dings either. Relax about it. Yes, it is hypnotic to watch. The nurses themselves don't use those as the actual readings. They take the vitals for heart and resps themselves. So yes they are there, but they are a guide and remember, when you take your precious one home, they won't be hooked up to them anymore, you have to learn to look at your baby yourself to know what's going on with them. All in good time.