World Breastfeeding Week

I have discovered that today marks the beginning of World Breastfeeding Week. In honour of that I'd like to tell you a story. I have permission of my friend Anna to relate this all to you.

As I just mentioned I have a friend named Anna who lives in Slovakia. Thanks to the wonder that is Facebook we've been able to reconnect a bit over the past few years. Anna is the mother of 2 lovely little girls.

Shortly after her second child was born she posted a status about her daughter not gaining weight. I didn't want to intrude, but I had also been there with my second baby and wanted to offer help if I could (as well as help can go when you live on 2 different continents).

I kept our messages to each other. They went something like this (with a little bit of editing):

Hi Anna,

First, congratulations on the birth of your new little girl, I've been one of those silent lurkers on your blog site following along.

Your status caught my eye tonight, and I wanted to share what I hope will be some encouragement.

When my son was born last year, we went through a lot of worries about his weight, he kept dropping weight after we left the hospital and did not gain. It was a mystery to me because it seemed that I was always nursing him.

I worked with a lactation consultant nurse quite extensively and she really helped me out. She discovered that although it seemed that he was always nursing, he was really only nursing for short periods of time and then falling asleep (a vicious cycle really). As well there were a few issues with getting a good latch on and she taught me how to latch him and hold him properly so he would get a good feed. I did have to take some time to pump and supplement with extra breast milk when I fed from one side that was slower than the other as well with a feeding tube.

It was a lot of work and heartbreaking work because you think these things are supposed to be natural therefore easy...but he did start to gain weight and eat better, and here we are a year later ready to celebrate his first birthday.
Now I don't know if you are breastfeeding or not. I have no idea what resources there are in Slovakia for new babies and moms. But I hope that if you need help for your little girl you can find it. If you are nursing her and would like some tips, I know of some good websites that have good information to help.

I just felt compelled to share because I know how sad and scary it is when your baby isn't gaining weight. I hope that helps you some. I'll be praying for your daughter as well.

Take Care,
Kristen

She replied:

Hi Kristen,

such a timely message from you! I've cried soooo much in the last 2 weeks! With my first daughter, a similar thing happened... she dropped weight significantly and after 3 weeks, I started supplementing with formula and then only ended up being able to breastfeed for 4 months before there was no milk.

I was determined it'll work this time with this baby. Well, it appeared to be going so well but she did lose weight and since we've been home, 2 weeks now, she did not gain. My doc said we have to add formula to my breastfeeding... I saw her again yesterday and she is insisting we need to start doing something for her health.. of course I want my kids to be healthy and well but I am so worried that once I intro formula, there will be quick road down to my breastfeeding. I am so discouraged. I really thought it'll all go well.

As you said, my daughter too is very sleepy, I think still due to her jaundice, so she falls asleep, she is pretty weak and thus can't suck properly. I am also convinced she is not latching on right and that's part of the problem. Finally, I tried expressing yesterday to see how much there was in one side while I offered her the other - and I discovered I have pretty low supply - about 20 ml in one! I was so disappointed. I've been trying to tell the nurses and the doc that I think she has a problem with latching but no one is helping. The lactation consultants do exist here I've heard but it's very new and rare and I don't have an access to one... I am so desperate for help... I've been looking online and found some stuff but I mainly need actual physical help - teaching herhow to latch on, how to suck and walking with me through the process.

Sadly though, I think now she might actually be hungry as i guess not enough milk forms due to her non-proper latching and so as the doc insists, I might need to add formula. She wants us back on Thurs but said we need to test her with a formula bottle of 50ml to see if she'd drink that... she also took some blood and thought she might be iron-deficient...

It's very frustrating and so discouraging all for me... I feel so trapped and don't know what the right thing is to do.

If you do have some good websites, please pass them along.

Thanks again for contacting me, Kristen, it's good to be able to chat and even just to get it out of me, too.

Thanks for prayers, too! Boy, do we need them!! (I've not even gotten into telling you about how difficult life is right now with our first, she is dealing with jealousy issues and we've seen our sweet little wonderful girl turn into something she never was before... but that's another topic, it's just adding to my grief...)
Sorry I vented so much...
Blessings,
Anna

PS So are you still breastfeeding your son?



Wow! So much information to tackle. With a second child you have both the worries of getting the baby off to a good start, but also the sibling rivalry that develops from the first. Here's what I wrote back:

Don't worry about venting, I did a similar thing with my friend Jill when I was going through this (she has 2 boys the same ages as mine)...you need to share with someone who is going through the same thing. And as well, I had the jealously issues with my first, and guilt about that too, so I hear you there.

As for online help, there are some breastfeeding support groups on Facebook.
I belong to Canadian Breastfeeding Mommies http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2244768189

I got some good help there with pumping milk.
and attachment parenting http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2224151641
which covers everything from breastfeeding to babywearing

There is some great information on the La Leche International site
http://www.llli.org/
It has country links...if there isn't anything for Slovakia, try Canada resources.

Here are some sites that help with latching (how to instructions and videos)
http://www.breastfeeding.com/helpme/helpme_images_latchon.html
http://www.breastfeeding.com/helpme/helpme_video.html
http://video.about.com/breastfeeding/Breast-Feeding-Latch-Position.htm

I found that I had to really take control of my son's head and that breast compressions were very important to get him to suck properly.
Here's what I did for success:
1: sit comfortably, get a pillow to help set up baby
2: tuck baby's lower arm under her (so that she isn't flailing about...swaddling both arms in works well too)
3: cradle her so that you end up holding her head so that you have control of where it goes
4: take hold of your breast with your other hand...express a few drops of milk, rub the nipple across her lips
5: when she opens her mouth wide, shove the breast in (repeat until she is latched on)
6: then take your hand to start compressing...a proper compression, you grasp your breast and squeeze down and forward (kinda forcing the milk out) and hold for a few counts, release, and compress again...you kinda start to get in a rhythm with your baby (don't do what I did at first which was compress, compress, compress all quickly, the holding down is an important part of it)
-make sure that she eats for a good 20-50 minutes

If she starts to fall asleep here are some wake up baby tips (your husband and older daughter can help with some of these):
1: start undressing her
2: blow on her head/neck
3: tickle her feet
4: get a cool cloth and gently rub it on her

A good breast pump is important right now too.
Pump often so that if you need to supplement, you can supplement with breast milk first. Remember that pumping is never as effective as a baby's suck so it will be less than you think.
I found the best times to pump were 1) on the opposite breast than he was eating while he was eating, 2) about an hour after he ate, 3) first thing in the morning

A piece of advice that helped reassure me was this: If you need to supplement, 90% breast milk and 10% formula is better than no breast milk at all...allow yourself that grace. Her's health is the most important thing. What my doctor was worried about (and why she sent me to the breastfeeding clinic) was that my son would just keep falling asleep and falling asleep and she wanted him to wake up...he needed to get his iron stores up.

Also, if you do introduce a bottle, try breastfeeding first and then finish with the bottle (that way you always get good nipple stimulation which is what helps keep up your supply)
If introducing a bottle replaces a feed...pump to replace that feed for the same reason.
I know one mom who purposely introduced a bottle when her baby was quite small so that she could get a break at night (take a bath, have some alone time)...it turned into a real nice time for her husband to spend with their daughter.

As for your older daughter...because that issue is important too!
Here's some tips that worked with my son.
Give yourself grace in these early days. I kept him in part-time daycare until my second was 2 months old, so I could get some sleep. Take people up on offers to help and get them to take her out for a bit, or, get your husband to take her on some daddy-daughter dates...for a muffin, or to the park, or the library or where ever.
When my second was newborn, my first's TV time went up a bit (I was always very strict about only an hour a day until then) This time isn't forever and sometimes a kids DVD is just what the doctor ordered.

Use the time you are feeding baby as a quiet special time for all 3 of you. Get out the puzzles, get out the storybooks. Have your oldest turn the pages as you read and all 3 of you camp out on the bed. Coloring, play-dough are great too.
Friends of mine with little girls found that their oldest having a baby doll to take care of helped with the transition. We didn't get our a baby doll but he did start carrying around his stuffed sheep like a baby. (including holding it under his shirt so it could eat :o))

My husband reminded me that it would benefit our second to see me doing something with our first, so I took time to put the baby in the baby swing and do something with our oldest each day (it's exhausting I know). We would make cookies (something he and I did every Wednesday anyway) or I'd put baby in the sling (baby carrier) and kick a soccer ball with our first...just so he knew that the baby was not taking his place. I'd also talk to him about who he was and how special he is to us. My mom got us a great book called I'm a Big Brother (there's an equvalent sister book)
http://www.amazon.com/Im-Big-Sister-Joanna-Cole/dp/B0012F9VSO/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204637272&sr=8-1
that we used that was great to help.

We had noticed that friends of ours really used dad to take over when mom was busy with the baby so we tried the same approach, not so easy when dad is at work I know.
We still battle with sibling rivalry now and then and we've learned that we can never leave the 2 of them alone together. Unintentionally, pre-schoolers can really hurt their baby siblings, because their brains are developed only to react, not think and act. Our oldest gets quite upset when baby cries...so will hit him to get him to stop crying...which of course makes him cry even more. So if my husband's not home and I want a shower, I put baby in his crib, and settle our oldest with something before going in.

Equally important, take care of yourself! Get sleep whenever you can! You are no good to either of them when you are exhausted...
I know, it sounds ridiculous: Get the baby eating for close to an hour every 3 hours, and breast pump, and see to the needs of a demanding , jealous pre-schooler and still take care of yourself...and not feel exhausted and stressed and guilty...supermom! The thing that kept me going was knowing that this time doesn't last forever and you will get through. With our first I didn't know that you get through it...with our second I had the benefit of having gone through the first 2 months with the oldest and knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. 6 weeks seems to be the magic number.

I know this is a lot of information, but I hope it helps some. I also know that good breastfeeding support is hard to come by (and we're supposed to be so advanced...) We met up with one of my husband's cousins in England last summer who had a 3 month old. She was so upset that she was formula feeding her baby. The nurse there told her that she couldn't breastfeed properly so she had to start using bottles. When we talked more, it sounded like she had similar issues, but no support to get her through. Another friend of mine here in Canada was told to start using formula because her baby woke at night to eat when he was 4 months old (which is perfectly normal) and so her supply dropped and she wasn't able to follow through the way she wanted to either.

The best place to get breastfeeding support, if you don't have a proper breastfeeding nurse is usually from other breastfeeding mommies. We've been there, we know. (and don't listen to those who say, but it's so easy...because it isn't...it's easy once you get going and know how...it's not to get going properly...)

I just remember that Jill knows a lady who is an exclusive pumper...her babies bottle feed, but bottle feed breast milk (I can't imagine having that much supply, but God created us beautifully)

As for our boy, he did get the hang of it and did gain weight. I still do breastfeed him (he's turning one on Thursday), but not exclusively. I'm in process of weaning, but still in debate on when to cut him off...our first was already weaned by this time (11 and a half months is when he stopped). I actually had a difficult time introducing our second to a bottle when I went back to work last fall. (I waited to long to introduce it-I would have started when he was about 6 weeks old) The first week was terrible (my husband brought him to me at work a couple of times because our son refused the bottle) La Leche helped us out there too to get him to take it. He was bottle fed breast milk for the first few months and slowly introduced to formula. I don't pump anymore...I don't have the supply...in fact I only breastfeed on one side now, because my slow side slowed down more and more gradually that he stopped being able to get the milk as fast as he wanted it.

When I had first started to breastfeed him, we discovered that the right side was slow...what the nurse had me do was use my pumped milk and then take some into a syringe that was attached to a feeding tube and slip the feeding tube into his mouth when he was on that side (kind of like adding an extra duct to his feed) so that the would realize that he was getting milk from that side too. I only had to do that for a few days until he got the hang of it.

Oh I remember that so well, I was so tired and frustrated, I thought it this didn't work, to heck with it...I'm bringing in formula. I also remember the breastfeeding nurse suggested putting breast milk into a small cup (like a medicine cup, shot glass size) and teaching baby to drink from it...you need to put a receiving blanket around baby because it can get messy, tip the cup a little and apparently, they can lap it up like puppies...who knew?

You can also find out how much your daughter is taking in by getting a test weight. Get her weighed before she eats...feed her, then weigh her again...the difference is the amount of ounces that she is getting in.

Remember too that formula isn't a crime...it's to assist you in getting your daughter to be healthy. Use it if you need to and forgive yourself for it.

If anything I hope this helps you at least know you aren't alone!

-Kristen

We continued on with updates for a bit and the good news is that Anna and her daughter stuck with it. She did have to supplement with a little formula, but her daughter is now over a year old and just a beautiful little girl. I went on to nurse my son until he was about 17 months.

I think Jill said it best when she wrote about breastfeeding basics a few months back. Breastfeeding is a lot like sex, perfectly natural, but it can be awkward and a learning process at first.

A great online resource is www.breastfeeding.com
They have everything that you would ever want to know about breastfeeding your child (including online tutorials and podcasts with lactation consultants).

Monday Mama Musings

Last week's mama musing asked what you would do when a parent said a terrible thing to their child in public. The majority said they would "give the parent 'the look'".

Onto today's musing:

We knew it would be coming. Our babysitters are starting to outgrow the babysitting stage. The sitter we've had the longest is now 19, going to college and is often out of town on weekends to visit with her boyfriend. Our next sitter is also headed away for college this fall, and is currently working away at a summer camp. Our third sitter option also works at the same summer camp. She is also a college student, and we can probably get her to babysit again in the fall but...we really want a date now. It's been a while since my husband and I had a night out. We were fortunate when my mom was out to visit as we got away for an evening, but it's getting to be that time where we need a little alone time. So how do you find a sitter? I know, some of you are fortunate enough to live close to family and don't worry about it. Maybe there is a girl in your neighbourhood that you've heard is responsible? Or perhaps a friend has a really good sitter she's willing to share with you? Maybe one of your friends has a daughter that fits the bill? Or do you trust a local ad that one of the sitters has placed? Is there another way to find a sitter I haven't thought of? Please vote in this week's poll and let me know your thoughts on babysitters in the comments :o)

What's In Your Diaper Bag?

This was a fun meme I ran into over at Mama Notes. She's asked us to spill our bag (without editing the contents), take pictures and share.



This is my diaper bag. It's the second one we've owned. We had a traditional diaper bag with our first son that I grew to hate, it just wasn't practical. When I saw this one from Columbia that was more of a backpack (with some great diaper bag features), I knew it was what we were looking for. I still love it 2 and a half years later.

Here's what I found inside today:



I have one in diapers and one out, so the purpose of the bag has changed over time. Inside is: a changing pad, a zipped container of nappy sacks (scented disposable bags for diapers), diapers, cream, PJ's, infant Tylenol, children's Advil, saline nose drops (my oldest has sinus issues), 2 small spoons, a couple of pens and a pencil, a colouring book and crayons, a variety of small toys, wipes, baby sunscreen, a granola bar and a fruit to go snack.

I also keep a "Mom Bag" in the car that's my just in case bag. I posted about it a couple of months back here. I look forward to seeing what you've got inside your diaper bags too :o)

Raising a Reader

"I love books, I love the library!" my 5 year old shouted at me, holding his new treasures in his arms.
"Mama, read this me?" my 2 year old asked holding a copy of Max's Toys by Rosemary Wells up at me.
How did I create such a joy of reading at young age? Well, it's something I didn't really think about at all, it's just something I did. Reading is something that I love and naturally shared with my children. I didn't think much of it until my husband mentioned to me that reading wasn't a big part of his childhood. He never would have thought to bring the kids to the library as a regular occurrence, but he's happy and appreciative that I do.
So you may be wondering where to begin. How do you get kids to like books? How do you raise a reader?
I started reading to my little ones at quite an early age (infants). Books for infants have a lot of repitition and soft words. As they get to be a little older, their books can become part of their toy collection. Soft books for chewing on and books with texture and bright colours to capture their senses. I also enrolled my children in a local library program called, "Babies in the Library". This was geared for infants to 18 month old babies and involved a lot of rhyme, finger play and dancing with other parents and their babies. The program lasted for 4-6 weeks at a time and rotated through the local libraries.
As my kids grew older going to the library just became a regular part of our lives. We would go every couple of weeks, each checking out books and DVDs that interested us. My 5 year old is a huge hockey fan and knows exactly where the hockey books are located. We've gone to many different library programs including toddler time, preschool time and the summer reading club. Most libraries will offer such programs. If you aren't sure where to begin, your local children's librarian can be a wealth of knowledge for you. They can help you find age appropriate and interest appropriate books for you and your child to enjoy.
We've also made reading a part of our night-time routine. Each of our kids has story time with mom or dad every night. We read anywhere from 1 to 3 books together. My husband is a great one for making the stories more dramatic with interesting voices for the different characters which makes our kids laugh. I often will ask questions about the pictures or what they think will happen next in the story. I will also mix up words of familiar stories intentionally to see if they catch me (they usually do).
Sometimes my kids and I will read side by side. I'll be into my own book and they will be 'reading' theirs. Kids imitate and learn what they see. If they see mom or dad into a book, chances are their interest in reading will be elevated.
Neither of my children read words yet, but they both do a great job at storytelling. They will use the pictures as cues to tell what is going on. This is a great first step to reading. My older son can pick out the letters and some common words, which he finds encouraging.
As your kids get older it becomes even more important that the books they are reading are ones that interest them and isn't at a too difficult reading level. There is no point in forcing a book about horses onto your son who is really into detectives. Find a good mystery book instead.
Once you've opened the mystery of reading with your children you've unlocked a lifelong treasure.

Monday Mama Musings

I was inspired while shopping at Wal-Mart of all places to try something new here at Clever Mamas. Monday Mama Musings is to present an idea raised in parenting and a poll to go along with it. Comments and feedback are always welcome to go along with it of course.

Here's today's situation:

While stolling through the aisles of Wal-Mart this morning, my attention was caught by a screaming child. Not a temper tantrum. Just a child screaming as loud as he could. Annoying yes, but manageable. The reaction of the parent is what really concerned me. The parent shouted at the child to "shut up you stupid f***ing brat, or you're not getting any fries for lunch". What do you do in a situation like that? Do you keep walking, pretending to have heard nothing? Do you give the parent 'the look' as you go by? Do you speak up? Or, something else entirely?

What do you do?

• Pretend you heard nothing
• Give the parent 'the look' as you pass by
• Say something
• Other

View Results
Create a Blog Poll

Allowance S.O.S.

Allowance is one of the most misunderstood aspects of child rearing. You'll find very definite opinions either way. I have become a great believer in allowance starting at a young age. My oldest gets an allowance. We started this past year (he was 4) and we've had some great success with it. My rationale for giving my child an allowance was to teach him the value of money and how to manage it. The formula we use is called S.O.S. I don't take credit for this by any means, it is one my mom passed on to me that a friend of hers passed on to her.
S.O.S. stands for Save, Others, Spend.

The rate of allowance is equal to the age of the child. For example, my 5 year old gets 5 dollars each week. I know that sounds like a lot at first, but it has actually ended up saving us money.

He has to save a portion in his bank account ($2.50). This money is used for things that come up during the year such as birthday presents for his friends and family.
The others part comes in as how we think of others in charity. He used 10% towards this or 50 cents. He puts that money into his Sunday school collection each week. The Sunday school sponsors a child in Peru and he knows who this boy is by the picture and information he's learned at Sunday school.

The remaining $2 is his own personal spending money. When he first started to get allowance he went nuts with this, wanting to spend it right away at the dollar store. He quickly learned that dollar store things break fast. He also learned that the really big, wonderful toys and treats cost a lot more money. He voluntarily asked if he could put his spending money in the bank with his savings. He is saving for a big toy fire station and is pretty close to buying it now.

Along with his allowance we keep an allowance chart on the fridge. There are certain jobs that he has to complete daily and weekly in order to get his full allowance. He receives deductions for jobs not completed. He can make these up by doing jobs considered bonus. His daily jobs include: making his bed, putting his laundry in the basket, setting the table, cleaning up any toy messes he makes (without a fuss). His weekly jobs include, putting away his clean laundry, helping with dusting and helping me clean the bathroom. Any other jobs are considered bonuses. You can tailor the jobs as you consider the age and ability of your own child.

We've found this ends up saving us money as mom and dad are not the money tree. He knows not to ask us for toys or other treats when we are out as our response is always the same, "that's why you have an allowance, do you want to use it for that?". Sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes no (he really, really wants that fire station). It also saves us every time he gets an invitation to a birthday party. He comes and does the shopping for his friend. It works really well. Most importantly it is giving him lessons in money at a young age. He's already developing a relationship with a bank (so it won't be such a scary adult thing when he is older), and he's learning how to budget (something we can all use a lesson in).

Opting Out of Spoiling

My husband and I struggle a lot with spoiling our kids. We have watched this toy pile grow and grow in the past 5 years and really don't want our kids to have the mentality that this world owes them something. It's difficult. We have lots of friends and family that buy them things. We know that every year, twice a year they will get stuff.
So how do you control it?
Good question. One we've been asking ourselves for a long time.
There are little things you can do. They may not seem like much, but I think they add up.
1. Don't get the toys at fast food places. I know what you are thinking. That sound rediculous. But think about how often you eat there and how many little toys you get and how often your kids actually play with them. Hmmmm. Now I don't sound so far fetched. We started opting out of fast food toys from an early age with our boys. They simply don't get them. It's not an option. There are ways to handle this. First, some restaurants offer options. McDonald's has the option of cookies instead of a toy. Most places I will order one adult meal of chicken nuggets and fries with a chocolate milk and split it between my two kids. Really, they are just happy to be eating where there is a play place. Sure, sometimes my oldest asks for a toy, but the response he gets is that if he wants to buy one, he can use his allowance for it. He's bought 2 toys for himself in the past year. It's a whole new ballgame when they have to spend their own money.
2. Start giving your children an allowance. Kids need to learn the value of money at a young age. If they want it, let them buy it, but you don't. This really changes the way they view things.
3. Be honest with what your kids need. Every time a birthday comes around inevitably some of my friends will ask what they can get my kids for their birthdays. So think, what would they really like and enjoy that isn't spoiling them? My boys have gotten beach towels, science experiments, college savings, and some pretty cool hats/clothes this way.
4. Teach your kids about the needs of others. Then do something about it. My oldest had a whole different perspective of what he has when we involved him in filling shoeboxes for Samaritan's Purse, shopping on the FHI catelogue and bringing food down to the local food bank.
5. Start saying 'no' to your kids and mean it. Sure they can still have the occassional treat. But a treat is just that, a treat. We began to realise that we were treating our boys so often it wasn't a treat anymore, it was an expectation. There is a difference.
These are just 5 little things that can make a big difference for your child. I'm sure you all have some more wonderful ideas. Let me know how you opt out of spoiling your kids in the comments so we can share them!