The second

My youngest child is having a bath this evening. His own bath - no brother included. He's having a blast! I realised he hasn't had his own bath since he was an infant. Sometimes, my oldest will get some by himself in the bath time (because he doesn't want his brother to splash him), but my youngest never has. It has me thinking what other experiences a second child doesn't get.

Make a moment happen

There was a night this past week that bedtime couldn't come fast enough. I was trying to get some work done in the house, but it just wasn't happening. It just seemed that the kids were getting noisier and starting to edge towards fighting no matter what we did. I looked at the clock and thought: Five o'clock? That's it?!!! What the heck are we going to do? They were driving me crazy! I got to the point where I sent them both to their rooms for some altercation (I think one knocked over the other's block tower and the other decided that hitting would be the correct way to handle the situation). It was just one of those nights.
Well fine. I decided that I could go down one of two avenues here. One, I could keep going with my agenda (which let's face it, wasn't happening anyways because of all the refereeing I was doing) and allow us to keep getting more miserable and irritated with each other; or, I could try something different.
I went into the oldest boy's bedroom closet and located the craft box. I don't think anything could have surprised him more than to see me come in, not to lecture him, but to find amusements. I located the fingerpaints and fingerpaint paper, as well as two colouring books and the crayons.
The fits stopped immediately when the boys saw what I was doing. And I told them. I said look, we need to have a better night, so let's fingerpaint. Come with me. I stripped the youngest down to his diaper and the oldest down to his shorts. The pages went onto the kitchen floor and I let them go at it. Why not? Sure it's messy, but it's fun. It's also linoleum, and the paint is washable. So are the kids (washable that is, not linoleum). They had a great time.
Once we were done, into the tub they went. The great thing being that they were in a good headspace so bathtime did not turn into a battle.
All nice and clean and happy with their masterpieces, they were more than willing to clean up their earlier living room mess to make way for cushions and colouring books. (Colouring is very relaxing, so it's nice to do before bedtime). As we sat and coloured (and yes, they each had their own book, so there was no fighting about it), we got to talk. We talked about their day and my day. Ideas of things we'd like to do in the future and generally just enjoyed each others company.

I started to think what the night would have been like if I hadn't stopped the chaos. If I had continued down the road of frustration. I imagine that bathtime wouldn't have been pleasant, neither would the living room clean up been so easy. I know I often put off things like fingerpainting because it seems like such a big deal to get out the paints and it's messy. But really, it didn't take long to clean up. The paint just wipes up and having paint time right before bath works so well. I also got a couple of keepsakes out the deal. I handprint and finger printed the both of them (something to put into their keepsake boxes) - they loved that I would put paint on their feet, very fun!
I need to do more of that as a parent. Take time out of the business of life and take time to enjoy my kids, making a memory.

Haircut

I'm glad I have boys (sorry to all those parenting little girls, and maybe I'll be blessed with one one day, but for now...) I'm glad I have boys for haircutting and not little girls. If I had a little girl, I know she would end up with that crooked, too short bang that I always had when I was a kid, scissor cuts are not my thing.
My thing for haircutting is the clippers. A lovely friend of ours helped me give our first son his first haircut when he was about one and a half. She has 2 boys herself and was no stranger to the wonders of a good pair of clippers. To demonstrate her youngest (a few months older than my son) ran willingly to the chair chanting 'a haircut, a haircut'. He really didn't need one, but sat for a quick trim.
She then set up for my son's turn. We were armed with fruit snacks to help him sit still and let him play with the (guarded clippers) so he could get used to the buzzingness of it. Once he was relaxed we took turns to go for it, shaving his fine baby hair into a neater look. And it was pretty easy. (and yes, the shock of how much older he looked took me back a little, but it was nicer to take care of). Since then, I've invested in my own set of clippers and have been doing in myself for my boys. It's a great money saver. The clippers were a one time cost of less than $50. As long as you keep them clean (very important to clean out all the hair bits caught inside and oil the clippers after each use), they should be good for a long time.
The set up for a haircut is crucial. I usually have a show on the TV and set up the chair in TV viewing distance (it helps that we have hardwood floors). I also have a snack readily available (though now that they like having their haircut, it comes after the cut). I also time their haircuts right before bath time, so the hair gets cut and into the tub they go to get rid of the itchies.
To set up for the haircut you either need to be near an outlet to plug the clippers in, or, charge them ahead of time. (I'm never that organised, so I always am connected to the wall).
You need to have a big towel ready to wrap your young one in and something to secure it with (I use a hairclip of mine). Your hairclippers should have a booklet of how-to instructions. I've been giving my boys the same haircut for a few years now. (When a friend asked me to do her son's hair, I agreeed as long as she realised I only know how to do one kind of haircut). I use a #3 setting for the neck to the crown and around the ears. I then switch the setting to a #5 or 6 to cut the rest of the hair. I make sure to go over the whole head a couple of times just to make sure I don't miss a spot. I also make sure to watch the direction that the hair is growing and cut opposite to that (around the crown is multi-directional). Usually I can get a haircut done in 10 minutes.
I tried to get fancier last night and just get away with clipping the bottom and braving using the scissors on top. I had a heck of a time finding directions how to do that, but it didn't matter anyway. My oldest got so wiggly that I stopped after 3 cuts. I knew I'd never be able to do it properly and ended up clipping it all. I'll leave the cutting part to the experts. As long as they are happy getting clipped I'll keep clipping their hair.

Tuning in to my kids

Last week I took my boys on a road trip to my niece's wedding, 7 hrs away, in Winnipeg. We have done this trip several times, and the boys travel fabulously well. This is, in part, because I have stories on cd, a bin of toys, a bag of food, juice boxes (a special trip-only treat) and "new" library books full of detailed, silly pictures that they can look at.

About half way through our trip home, things were getting tentative. It was gray and cloudy outside, and the wind was so strong that Aaron could hardly walk in it. Since it was also about 4 degrees Celsius and I didn't have winter jackets with us, I couldn't really let the boys out to play. So we were just driving, and listening to stories on tape, and everything was going well. Then, just before supper, the stereo stopped working. And, the boys started getting hungry. And the town where I was planning to get supper was still an hour away. And Aaron started getting bored with all his toys, and complaining. Then he started singing, and Andrew started complaining about the singing.

I spent a good 10 or 15 minutes taking the face on and off of the stereo, trying desperately to get it to work again, but to no avail. I just wanted that extra distraction for them until we could get to Yorkton. I started praying that God would miraculously fix the stereo so that we could have a peaceful drive. And God said no, I don't think you're getting off that easily, Jill.

As the boys began to get grumpier and grumpier, I realized that I was out of juice and cookies. There were no snacks to hold them over until supper. And then I drove by a sign that said, "Yorkton: 85 km. Some other little town: 15 km." I knew the boys could not wait almost an hour to eat. They could, however, wait 10 or 15 min. for us to get to the next town down the line. I decided that it was time to give up my agenda and tune into my childrens' needs.

We stopped and ate supper, and started driving again. We got to Yorkton and I stopped for a drink and some gum to keep me awake. When I got back to the car, Andrew asked, "Where is my hot drink before bed, Mom?" Oh yeah. Maybe I should think about what comforts my kids usually get at bedtime, rather than insisting that they go to sleep according to my agenda. I went back into the gas station and made a warm tea, split between two cups (one of hot tea and one of cold water).

We continued driving for another 20 minutes or so. Andrew was talking non stop. Aaron was not falling asleep, but was actually starting to whine because Andrew wouldn't give him a turn with Andrew's special bear. Why could these children not just go to sleep? I tried the stereo again for a few minutes. Then I started yelling (always counter productive): "Children! It is bed time. Go. To. Sleep." Then I realized that this was ridiculous. And then Andrew informed me that he had to go pee. So we stopped, and he peed. I decided to check if Aaron needed a diaper change. I discovered that he was soaking wet. He had spilled his tea all over himself. So we had to do an entire clothes change.

We started the car, and instead of yelling, I sang to them. Then I talked about the sunset we could see on the horizon. And encouraged them to fall asleep so that they could see daddy sooner. And guess what happened? In a little while, they both fell asleep peacefully. No crying. No fussing. Just a calm end to a long day.

And I realized that this was a microcosm of many of our days. So often I get caught up in my agenda and forget that I need to tune in to what my kids are saying. I think, "Why will these children not settle down?" instead of taking them to the park, because I would rather clean the kitchen. I wonder, "Why is everyone so unreasonable this afternoon?" instead of remembering that we didn't eat much lunch and they have not had a snack or a drink. I tell them to go play with their toys when they really just want to nibble on a carrot while they watch me make supper. I want them to be distracted by the radio so I can drive home as fast as possible. I end up frustrated and annoyed simply because I am not keeping the needs of my children clearly in focus. I am not tuning into what they are trying to tell me.

Certainly, there are days when they just wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or days when I have to get things done and have little time to give them more than the basic attention they need. But how many other days do I simply get stuck in my plan, and forget that these are little people with little plans of their own. And that sometimes, they are little people who need help, or comfort, or an adult to show them the way. And that the adult they need is me.

Picky, picky?

My youngest son has all the markings of a picky eater. There are things that he likes (chicken strips, fries, yogurt, cereal, applesauce and anything bread) and things that he doesn't (pretty much everything else). There are also things that he can't eat due to allergies (eggs, soy products). I met with a nutritionist a while back to figure out how to solve his eating dilemma (to me this was a dilemma). The biggest thing that I couldn't figure out is that he would not eat any veggies and very little in the way of fruit. If the fruit is dried (raisins, apricots) he's fine with it. If the fruit is pureed (the many varieties of applesauce) he's fine with it. If it is in any way shape or from of its natural state, it is so offensive to him that you would think I was asking him to eat a rat sandwich rather than a banana or orange. He loves pancakes, add berries to top the pancakes? He will not touch them until the berries are removed. As far as veggies go? Forget it. I did work around this one with my first but he would always eat a spoonful at least per meal. This little boy? I'd have better luck getting a hippopotumus to walk a tightrope wire.
So as much as some people would say this is cheating, I hide food within food he likes. I dice, I puree, I mash and combine. I'd rather he get the nutrient one way or another than face Grand Kitchen Battle 2009.
There are foods that he likes that naturally lend themselves to more foods he tries to avoid. Spagetti sauce is great - he gets some beef, tomato, and red pepper in that. Pancakes are a great place to add as well: pumpkin, apple, squash and blueberries are all wonderful added to pancake batter (just not all at once). Smoothies are a tasty treat that can have virtually any fruit and veggie you desire. My friend Jen has a wonderful recipe for smoothies with Spinach (and her kids have no idea). Trail mix is another tasy snack. Bulk food stores have all sorts of dried fruit (kiwi, apricot, peaches, pineapple and raisins) that you can add to nuts and cereal pieces. And let's not forget the beauty of muffins: zuchinni, pumpkin, fruit - the varieties are endless.
I do continue to offer everything that we are eating to him. I want him to be familiar to all sorts of food (even if he isn't actually putting it in his mouth). The nutritionist had a wonderful story that she told me about a lady that she knew who had travelled to South America. There was an evening where she had been invited as the guest of honour to a banquet. Unfortunately for her the menu consisted of local cuisine. Local cuisine that she had no intention of ever eating. Everything was edible. Everything was considered a delicacy. Everything was completely not North American. Cockroaches anyone? Manners dictated that she at least take the food, which she did. She started eating things she knew she could handle - seasoned flatbread, that sort of thing. And she watched everyone else eat. As the night went on, she became less disgusted by what was on her plate. At first she just started to poke at it a bit. A little later on, she took a piece and held it close to her mouth. She eventually popped a little of it inside, just to taste. Step by step and very slowly, she ate one. Sound familliar? As much as what we eat is normal to us, our little ones see everything as brand new. What may look so appetizing to us, may be a cockroach to them. They may play with it, try and figure it out, or reject it outright. They may get to the point where they put it in their mouth only to spit it out. A few may actually start to eat it. But each stage of discovery eating is just that, a stage. There are many, many stages that happen from a piece of food on a plate to consuming that food in outright agreement. The next time your child is being picky, think of the cockroach and don't force it on them. Goodness knows that our culture has enough food issues as it is. If you are really concerned that your little one isn't eating well, track their food consumption. What, when and how much are they eating over a cycle of a few days? They may be more nutritionally balanced than you ever imagined.

Midnight Panic

Last night I awoke to the scariest sound ever, my youngest son was trying to get a breath and struggling to do so. It sounded like choking, he was crying and drooling everywhere. Just like that panic alert set in.
My husband and I got to him at the same time (my husband was still up, it was just midnight). Both of us have our first aid/CPR current so we knew that as long as he was crying, his airway wasn't completely blocked, but we also knew that this wasn't right either. I took our boy, my husband took the phone and dialed 911.
We couldn't see any obstruction and had no idea what was going on. He had been perfectly healthy and happy going to bed 4 and a half hours earlier. Fortunately, the firefighters (yes, they got to us first) were there within minutes and the paramedics were not far behind. As soon as they heard his choking noises they knew what the culprit was, croup.
I remember reading about croup, but this was our first experience with it. If you haven't ever heard it before it sounds like the scariest thing. Your child is struggling to breathe and making noises that sound like a seal barking. Our boy was also gag-coughing, as if he has something caught in his throat (like a cat with a hairball).
We've learned a lot about croup in the last 24 hours. It is a viral infection that causes swelling near the vocal chords. It can and does come on as quickly as that, in the middle of the night, which is scary for both parents and their child. Croup often hits children under 5 as their airways are quite small.
Both the doctor in the emergency department and the paramedics were quick to reassure us that although croup is common among children, never hesitate to get your child seen. Croup can become serious and the earlier it is diagnosed and treated, the better. Our son was given a dose of ventenlin in the ambulance, which helped his breathing. He was also given a dose of corticosteroids at the hospital, which counteracts the swelling. The rest of the things that can be done to treat croup can be done at home. They include:
-using a humidifier in the room
-staying calm, and calm and distract your child - use a story, favorite video, rock in the rocking chair and speak softly to your child - crying only makes the croup cough worse - the paramedic noticed Elmo on my son's jammies and started to talk to him about Seasame Street which got his attention and eased his crying off
-take a walk in the cool night air (bundle him up in a blanket)
-offer fluids, including soups and freezer pops
-hold your child upright - the doctor told me it wasn't neccessary for him to be propped up while sleeping, but being held upright when he's coughing will help ease the cough
-sleep in the same room as your child so that you can get to them quickly and hear what is going on (croup coughs often happen in the middle of the night - our son is camping out in our bed for the next few days just in case)
*note - cough medicines do not help with croup and should not be given, most medicines are not reccommended to be given to children under 6 anyway
Signs that are troublesome and show that you need to get your child seen (or re-seen) include:
-funny whistling breathing noises (both in and out struggling for air)
-high fever (often fever accompanies croup, but anything over 103* F or 39.7*C is too high)
-showing the ribs when breathing - breathing too hard
-drooling, difficulty swallowing
-starts to look blue
-you cannot get him to calm down and the struggle for air is becoming worse
*call for help immediately if any of these things are happening
The doctor told us that croup runs its course in about 5 days and that the 5th day could be the worst. In my son's case it was caught early enough and mild enough that it probably won't develop into anything serious, but again, he wanted to reassure me to bring him back if it did get worse.
I did call his daycare to let them know. Croup is semi-contagious so it may run through the daycare centre. Our daycare manager called public health who told her that as long as he wasn't running a high fever and was mostly better he could attend daycare. It's always good to let your child's daycare, caregiver or school know if they pick up any illness, just in case. Most care centres and schools have a health policy for each kind of illness so you want to make sure that you are following their guidelines (you don't want other little ones to run ill).
I was extremely impressed with everyone we saw last night, from the firefighters to the paramedics to the nurses to the doctor. Everyone was so wonderful with him. They knew that this was a scary thing for a 2 year old to be going through and they were so gentle and kind to him. Often, we don't take the time to thank those who do their job well and these people really were fantastic, so thank you!
To learn more about croup check this out:
Mayo Clinic: Croup

Happy Mother's Day!

Who fed me from her gentle breast
And hushed me in her arms to rest,
And on my cheek sweet kisses prest?
My Mother.
~Anne Taylor