We are so pleased to introduce our friend Anna of Anna's Place to you. Anna is mom to a fantastic toddler (that's her cutie in the video below) and has been teaching him to sign as part of his language development. She is our first guest poster and we couldn't be more happy to have her share on Clever Mamas!
Signing “Please” and “Thank you“
At 15 months while a very chatty child, my son actually only has about 5-6 words that he says, on the other hand he also has about 5-6 words that he signs. When my son was about a year he started pulling at my shirt when he wanted to nurse, and I have always thought that type of communication is unacceptable, so I decided to teach him to sign so he would be able tell me what he needs.
We started with a few basics such as “hungry”, “all done”, “more”, “nurse” (“milk”), and have added to them as needed. My favourites are probably “please” and “thank you”, which he uses consistently; I am so happy that we were able to start with good manner from such a young age. Recently I decided we are going learn the sign for ‘Sorry”, this for when I accidentally bump him into something or step on him, but also for when he intentionally smacks me or disobeys.
While I am at work my son stays with his grandparents who are also pleased with the results of signing; I encouraged them to sign with him by sending along cue posters and a link to an online video signing dictionary (http://www.babysignlanguage.com/).
Both my husband and father-in-law were concerned that if my son started signing, he would be delayed in actually learning to speak, however based on research it is reported that children who sign actually have advanced literacy skills (this fact from my mother, an OT at the Fraser Valley Child Development Centre).
Other advantages to signing with your child:
· Less frustration from both parent and child in communicating with each other
· Teaches good manners early
· Reportedly can increase IQ and creativity, and improve spatial reasoning
Teaching him was relatively easy, I worked on a few signs at a time, I would use his hands to mimic what I wanted him to say and we always speak the word when we sign it. I think we taught him to sign “please” and “more” while eating ice cream, so it went very quickly. I am not fussy about him getting it exactly right, he rubs both hands on his belly for “please” instead of one hand on his chest, and he smacks his mouth with his hand for thank you instead of bringing his hand down from his chin. Just as I don’t expect his spoken works to be perfect, I don’t expect his signs to be perfect. I have to say I was probably more pleased with his first signing than I was when he first started talking, this could be because his first spoken word was “no” and his first signed word was “please”.
Showing posts with label links. Show all posts
Showing posts with label links. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Discipline: The Big D in Parenting
Anna, a friend and fellow clever mama in her own right requested that I post something about discipline. "gulp" - confession time: I have cleverly avoided writing on this topic for one reason and one reason only - the thought of someone saying, "SHE is writing about discipline, but I saw her kids (fill in the blank)". Let me first say that I am clearly not an expert at discipline. My children have been known to have the occassional temper tantrum in the store. They don't always listen and do as they are told. They will balk at cleaning up their toys. They are kids. Not perfect kids, just kids.
On the other hand, aren't we all just moms of kids. Don't we all deal with these things. Isn't one of my goals in writing on parenting to share in the challenges of it and admit that we aren't perfect, we just do the best we can? Right. So here it is, my thoughts on discipline.
Discipline roots itself in the word "disciple" which means to teach. Unfortunately many get caught up in the negative aspect of discipline equaling it to punishment. Yes, consequence (notice I said consequence and not punishment) is a big part of discipline but that is not all that it is. I think the clearest way I can talk about behavior is to let you know what works best for us.
Consistency - be consistent with your expectations of your children. Also be consistant with the consequences
Clarity - let your kids know your expectations of any given situation at any given time. A visit to the grocery store works so much better if I review my expectations before we get there
Consequence - logical consequences are great. Clearly defined 'time outs' and 'time to thinks' are wonderful too.
Quality Time - my kids are so much better behaved when they are having real quality time with both of us
Responsibility - lay out what they are responsible for and praise them for it - give them a little responsibility too (age appropriate of course) they need it
Respect - aka the Golden Rule - Treat others as you want to be treated yourself. Also, you don't speak to adults the same way you would another child
Accountability - say what you mean to your kids and keep your word. It does your child no good to threaten them if they know you won't follow through - in the same way they need to be held accountable for their actions (or in-actions)
Yes, I've done that!
I do take away toys and other privileges from my children. If they don't clean up their stuff, mama will and it will go into the basement or into my closet until they have earned the privilege of that toy again.
No is word worth saying!
Nothing drives me crazier than people who don't believe in saying 'no' to children. They need to know the word 'no'. They crave boundaries. Remember, kids who have been told 'no' know what 'no' means. This makes them more likely to use the word 'no' in the future. (no to drugs, no to promiscuity, no to smoking...)
People whose parenting opinions I admire:
Dr. Phil - yep, I like his style. He has some real solid, sensible advice for us parents. He's raised 2 kids of his own.
The Supernanny - She has a wonderful, hands-on, involved approach available for parents. I've used it, it works
Barbara Coloroso - if you haven't heard her you need to take a look into her work. She knows kids really well.
Ron Morrish - another parenting expert with sensible advice and methods
My 2 cents on spanking
I do my best to NOT spank my kids. Here's why. I've found physical punishment makes them more physical themselves. I do not want my kids to be afraid of me. I do not want to use a consequence out of anger. I know there are those who will argue that proper spankings are given when you have had time to cool off. I know I can do better than that. How can I tell them hitting isn't okay if I'm hitting them myself?
So there you have it. When I'm doing all of these things in parenting, my kids are happier and much better behaved. I know when their behavior is off, the first place I need to look at it myself.
On the other hand, aren't we all just moms of kids. Don't we all deal with these things. Isn't one of my goals in writing on parenting to share in the challenges of it and admit that we aren't perfect, we just do the best we can? Right. So here it is, my thoughts on discipline.
Discipline roots itself in the word "disciple" which means to teach. Unfortunately many get caught up in the negative aspect of discipline equaling it to punishment. Yes, consequence (notice I said consequence and not punishment) is a big part of discipline but that is not all that it is. I think the clearest way I can talk about behavior is to let you know what works best for us.
Consistency - be consistent with your expectations of your children. Also be consistant with the consequences
Clarity - let your kids know your expectations of any given situation at any given time. A visit to the grocery store works so much better if I review my expectations before we get there
Consequence - logical consequences are great. Clearly defined 'time outs' and 'time to thinks' are wonderful too.
Quality Time - my kids are so much better behaved when they are having real quality time with both of us
Responsibility - lay out what they are responsible for and praise them for it - give them a little responsibility too (age appropriate of course) they need it
Respect - aka the Golden Rule - Treat others as you want to be treated yourself. Also, you don't speak to adults the same way you would another child
Accountability - say what you mean to your kids and keep your word. It does your child no good to threaten them if they know you won't follow through - in the same way they need to be held accountable for their actions (or in-actions)
Yes, I've done that!
I do take away toys and other privileges from my children. If they don't clean up their stuff, mama will and it will go into the basement or into my closet until they have earned the privilege of that toy again.
No is word worth saying!
Nothing drives me crazier than people who don't believe in saying 'no' to children. They need to know the word 'no'. They crave boundaries. Remember, kids who have been told 'no' know what 'no' means. This makes them more likely to use the word 'no' in the future. (no to drugs, no to promiscuity, no to smoking...)
People whose parenting opinions I admire:
Dr. Phil - yep, I like his style. He has some real solid, sensible advice for us parents. He's raised 2 kids of his own.
The Supernanny - She has a wonderful, hands-on, involved approach available for parents. I've used it, it works
Barbara Coloroso - if you haven't heard her you need to take a look into her work. She knows kids really well.
Ron Morrish - another parenting expert with sensible advice and methods
My 2 cents on spanking
I do my best to NOT spank my kids. Here's why. I've found physical punishment makes them more physical themselves. I do not want my kids to be afraid of me. I do not want to use a consequence out of anger. I know there are those who will argue that proper spankings are given when you have had time to cool off. I know I can do better than that. How can I tell them hitting isn't okay if I'm hitting them myself?
So there you have it. When I'm doing all of these things in parenting, my kids are happier and much better behaved. I know when their behavior is off, the first place I need to look at it myself.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Accidentally Attachment
When I had my first child (almost 6 years ago) I didn't study about what kind of parent I would be. Sure, I read parenting books. I mentally noted parents who I thought were doing things right and added their tips to my repertoire. Then I had my son and I just did what I thought was right. I didn't label my parenting style, I just started to parent. It turns out that without knowing it, I've become an attachment parent.
I first heard this term from a friend of our a few years back. Also the mother of 2 boys she was telling me about her experiences with getting her kids to sleep and used the phrase "attachment parenting thing" she had going on. Hmmm. This friend was someone whose parenting I admired and often tried to emulate. We had a lot in common when it came to our kids. Maybe I was an 'attachment parent' too?
Dr. Sears is the expert in the field of attachment parenting. He has a list of what he terms as the 7 Baby B's. Here they are and how I found myself being part of them.
1. Birth Bonding - this was something that just came naturally to me after my first son was born. I wanted to spend time with him and be as close to him as possible. Unfortunately, he was was born with the cord around his neck as was not able to room in with me that first night and most of the next day. I did get to hold him before they took him to NICU. And they did bring him back to me about an hour later so we could try breastfeeding. That didn't deter me from spending as much time with him as I could. I spent as much time in NICU as I could and once he was moved to my room we cuddled and bonded skin on skin and got to know each other. My husband and I also took what we called a "babymoon". The first few days we had him home we didn't answer the phone or the door and just spent time getting to be a family together.
I was particularly enthralled after the birth of our second child. He had no birth complications and we were able to establish a bonding time right away. We again took a "babymoon", including our older child in the experience.
2. Breastfeeding - Breastfeeding was something I chose to go at because it was cheap and seemed easy (why spend money on formula when I can get it for free?). The cheap part was true, the easy part was not. It did take a while to really get the hang of breastfeeding (with both of my kids), but I'm glad I did it in the end. Once we knew what we were doing, it was easy (but there is a definate learning curve involved). I'm very greatful that there was a mother-baby feeding clinic nearby that helped us out.
3. Babywearing - Babywearing is something I wish I'd known about with my first and so very glad I did with my second. It's been around for generations, but is still a relatively new thing to us in mainstream North America. I had a Snugli that I used on occasion with my first, but it was for the ease of travel rather than for bonding and closeness. I got a sling with my second. What I really enjoyed about this (besides the ease of travel) was that I could keep my 2nd close to me while spending time with my first. I had my hands free to make Duplo structures and still had my little one close.
4. Bedding Close to Baby - We did not intend on this one at all. Babies slept in cribs in the other room, that's it is what I thought when we first had our son. Then the reality of living this out came into play. I worry, a lot. I was in and out of that room so often checking his breathing that I wasn't getting any sleep. I was exhausted and worried (not a good combination in a new mom). So I started getting sleep the first shift of the night while my husband held our son on a pillow in the living room. They had great bonding time while baby slept and I got some sleep. When baby woke up to nurse, he was brought to me in our bed, where we both fell back to sleep. I slept better and felt my anxieties disappear. I still worried because I'd heard so many arguements against bed-sharing that I read up on it. We developed a way to do this safely. Dr. Sears has some great tips for this. With our second we started off better. We had a bassinett in the room that I kept right beside our bed. He was close enough to touch and hear and I was much more aware of what was going on as he slept. *Bedding close to baby does not mean that you have to bed-share with your baby as most people believe. It just means that you are close enough to touch. It's actually more recommended now that the best place for baby to sleep is in the same room as his parents.
5. Belief in the Language Value of your Baby's Cry - Babies don't talk. We all know that. They cry. That is how they communicate with us. They have all sorts of different kinds of cries. You won't believe how many until you have one yourself. I remember being in Wal-mart one time. My husband had the baby with him and I was a few aisles away. I heard a cry and I knew that was my kid - other cries didn't reach me they way his did.
6. Beware of Baby Trainers - As I said, I did a lot of parenting reading. I tried a lot of methods but some just didn't sit right with me. I remember trying the cry-it-out method with our boy and it just broke my heart (and my husband's too). Because we knew what his cries were telling us there was a difference between the angry to scared cry. I couldn't do it. We were the people he was depending on and trusted and I felt like we were breaking that trust at such a young age. It wasn't about letting him manipulate us (he was too young for that), it was about bonding and trusting each other.
7. Balance - Baby is not the only person around. Mom and Dad are important too. We each needed to take care of ourselves and our relationship. What good would we be our our boys if we didn't? What would they learn from that? I had to relearn this when we had our second and I felt torn between the new baby and our first child. My husband pointed out to me that me spending time with big brother could only help my relationship with both kids. Me spending the most of my time with the new baby could harm my relationship with my first.
Like any parenting style, attachment parenting works best if it is what works for you. I didn't intend on this, it's just what happened. I didn't know about Dr. Sears until I was learning about bed-sharing with my son. And I didn't know about the rest of his terms for attachment parenting until much, much later on. If you are interested in reading what he has to say check out this article from his website here.
I first heard this term from a friend of our a few years back. Also the mother of 2 boys she was telling me about her experiences with getting her kids to sleep and used the phrase "attachment parenting thing" she had going on. Hmmm. This friend was someone whose parenting I admired and often tried to emulate. We had a lot in common when it came to our kids. Maybe I was an 'attachment parent' too?
Dr. Sears is the expert in the field of attachment parenting. He has a list of what he terms as the 7 Baby B's. Here they are and how I found myself being part of them.
1. Birth Bonding - this was something that just came naturally to me after my first son was born. I wanted to spend time with him and be as close to him as possible. Unfortunately, he was was born with the cord around his neck as was not able to room in with me that first night and most of the next day. I did get to hold him before they took him to NICU. And they did bring him back to me about an hour later so we could try breastfeeding. That didn't deter me from spending as much time with him as I could. I spent as much time in NICU as I could and once he was moved to my room we cuddled and bonded skin on skin and got to know each other. My husband and I also took what we called a "babymoon". The first few days we had him home we didn't answer the phone or the door and just spent time getting to be a family together.
I was particularly enthralled after the birth of our second child. He had no birth complications and we were able to establish a bonding time right away. We again took a "babymoon", including our older child in the experience.
2. Breastfeeding - Breastfeeding was something I chose to go at because it was cheap and seemed easy (why spend money on formula when I can get it for free?). The cheap part was true, the easy part was not. It did take a while to really get the hang of breastfeeding (with both of my kids), but I'm glad I did it in the end. Once we knew what we were doing, it was easy (but there is a definate learning curve involved). I'm very greatful that there was a mother-baby feeding clinic nearby that helped us out.
3. Babywearing - Babywearing is something I wish I'd known about with my first and so very glad I did with my second. It's been around for generations, but is still a relatively new thing to us in mainstream North America. I had a Snugli that I used on occasion with my first, but it was for the ease of travel rather than for bonding and closeness. I got a sling with my second. What I really enjoyed about this (besides the ease of travel) was that I could keep my 2nd close to me while spending time with my first. I had my hands free to make Duplo structures and still had my little one close.
4. Bedding Close to Baby - We did not intend on this one at all. Babies slept in cribs in the other room, that's it is what I thought when we first had our son. Then the reality of living this out came into play. I worry, a lot. I was in and out of that room so often checking his breathing that I wasn't getting any sleep. I was exhausted and worried (not a good combination in a new mom). So I started getting sleep the first shift of the night while my husband held our son on a pillow in the living room. They had great bonding time while baby slept and I got some sleep. When baby woke up to nurse, he was brought to me in our bed, where we both fell back to sleep. I slept better and felt my anxieties disappear. I still worried because I'd heard so many arguements against bed-sharing that I read up on it. We developed a way to do this safely. Dr. Sears has some great tips for this. With our second we started off better. We had a bassinett in the room that I kept right beside our bed. He was close enough to touch and hear and I was much more aware of what was going on as he slept. *Bedding close to baby does not mean that you have to bed-share with your baby as most people believe. It just means that you are close enough to touch. It's actually more recommended now that the best place for baby to sleep is in the same room as his parents.
5. Belief in the Language Value of your Baby's Cry - Babies don't talk. We all know that. They cry. That is how they communicate with us. They have all sorts of different kinds of cries. You won't believe how many until you have one yourself. I remember being in Wal-mart one time. My husband had the baby with him and I was a few aisles away. I heard a cry and I knew that was my kid - other cries didn't reach me they way his did.
6. Beware of Baby Trainers - As I said, I did a lot of parenting reading. I tried a lot of methods but some just didn't sit right with me. I remember trying the cry-it-out method with our boy and it just broke my heart (and my husband's too). Because we knew what his cries were telling us there was a difference between the angry to scared cry. I couldn't do it. We were the people he was depending on and trusted and I felt like we were breaking that trust at such a young age. It wasn't about letting him manipulate us (he was too young for that), it was about bonding and trusting each other.
7. Balance - Baby is not the only person around. Mom and Dad are important too. We each needed to take care of ourselves and our relationship. What good would we be our our boys if we didn't? What would they learn from that? I had to relearn this when we had our second and I felt torn between the new baby and our first child. My husband pointed out to me that me spending time with big brother could only help my relationship with both kids. Me spending the most of my time with the new baby could harm my relationship with my first.
Like any parenting style, attachment parenting works best if it is what works for you. I didn't intend on this, it's just what happened. I didn't know about Dr. Sears until I was learning about bed-sharing with my son. And I didn't know about the rest of his terms for attachment parenting until much, much later on. If you are interested in reading what he has to say check out this article from his website here.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Follow up on Internet Safety and Kids
Jill's post this weekend really got me thinking about how safe have I been with my kids online? I know my settings are very high on Facebook (which is where the bulk of my pictures are stashed) and on purpose I don't use my children's names on this site because I do have a few pictures of them on here. I took a look at my blogger profile just to double check that my location was vague (it is) and that my name was just my first (it is). My mom (gotta love it when God speaks to Grammas!) was also prompted by Jill's experience to check up on my kids' safety online. The one thing I didn't think about was my regular blog. She's right. It doesn't take much for anyone to link this site with any other blog I write. My regular blog does have more pictures, names and identifying details in it. Hmmm, all of a sudden it didn't feel as good anymore. My blog was created for me to share with family and friends. Who else is looking at it? I didn't want to be extreme about it and erase everything I'd written these past number of years, but I didn't want it all left out there for whoever to track down. Fortunately, I remembered that blogger does have the ability to create permissions under its settings. I went into that and changed the permissions to by invitation only can read this blog. I feel a lot better now.
The thing is, is that I should know better and thought that I did. I don't have a Flickr account because I knew that it was too easy for just anyone to scam my pictures from it. Pretty much anything else I join online has high privacy settings set on it. I like that the internet allows me to easily share stories and pictures with friends and family who live in other parts of the country. We just have to be smart about it. There is a way to balance safety and fear. To enjoy what is available to us without being afraid of it.
A couple of years ago, we were fortunate to have a leading expert in children and teen internet safety come to speak to the school district I work for (I am a teacher). Her name is Parry Aftab and she was one of the most interesting speakers that I've heard. I would really encourage all parents to take a look at her site "Wired Safety" (just click on the words). I hope you find her work just as helpful and insightful as I have, no matter what age your children are, there is something there to help you out.
The thing is, is that I should know better and thought that I did. I don't have a Flickr account because I knew that it was too easy for just anyone to scam my pictures from it. Pretty much anything else I join online has high privacy settings set on it. I like that the internet allows me to easily share stories and pictures with friends and family who live in other parts of the country. We just have to be smart about it. There is a way to balance safety and fear. To enjoy what is available to us without being afraid of it.
A couple of years ago, we were fortunate to have a leading expert in children and teen internet safety come to speak to the school district I work for (I am a teacher). Her name is Parry Aftab and she was one of the most interesting speakers that I've heard. I would really encourage all parents to take a look at her site "Wired Safety" (just click on the words). I hope you find her work just as helpful and insightful as I have, no matter what age your children are, there is something there to help you out.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Thinking about others
It's Operation Christmas Child week at Samaritan's Purse. If you've never heard of the program, you are in for a real treat. The premise is simple. Fill a shoebox with a variety of items that would be of use and interest to a child in a developing country (such as crayons, colouring books, small toys, soap, toothbrushes, t-shirt, hair barrettes and other small items). Attach a label that tells if the gifts inside are appropriate for a boy or girl and the age. Include a small donation ($7 per box) to cover shipping costs and drop it off at your local collection agency. It's a really easy way to teach your kids about the importance of giving to others in need. They can be involved by shopping for the items inside, deciding what the boy or girl would really like to have for Christmas. The Samaritan's Purse website has all the information you need to know about what kinds of things to include (and not include) as well as small videos to show your kids what the program is all about and the kids in need. You can find out more at the Samaritan's Purse website http://samaritanspurse.ca/
Want to get your kids interested in helping in others, but think that you don't have enough time to fill a shoebox this week? Here's another suggestion for you. Try FHI's Gift Catalogue. FHI stands for Food for the Hungry International. It is a non-profit organization whose purpose is to work in developing nations with the idea of training the people there to overcome poverty. Their gift guide includes everything from chickens and seedlings, to bed netting and school supplies. You and your kids could have a lot of fun looking through and deciding what gifts to buy kids and families overseas. You can visit the FHI website at http://www.fhcanada.org/.
Organizations like Samaritan's Purse and FHI not only allow you and your kids to get involved in helping others, they also help educate your children to become more globally aware of the living situations of others in our world.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Great Links
Just thought those of you who are / are thinking of using cloth diapers might be interested in checking out the posts on Cloth Diapering Week over at Simple Mom . Tsh has lined up a great series of clear, concise posts on the basics of using cloth diapers. If you want more info, definitely check out the comments where lots of experienced mamas add their two or three cents. Including yours truly, of course.
Meghan at Simple Kids has compiled a great list of classic outdoor games with links to the rules. I don't think we're quite there yet - the boys still think the point of tag is to be "it" - but those of you with older kids might enjoy it.
A while ago, before(?) we started this blog, Eren wrote this insightful post about staying positive while parenting. I totally agree with her. Whenever I find that things are going downhill around here, you can almost bet it is really my attitude that is slipping. This post says pretty much exactly what I would want to say on this topic.
Meghan at Simple Kids has compiled a great list of classic outdoor games with links to the rules. I don't think we're quite there yet - the boys still think the point of tag is to be "it" - but those of you with older kids might enjoy it.
A while ago, before(?) we started this blog, Eren wrote this insightful post about staying positive while parenting. I totally agree with her. Whenever I find that things are going downhill around here, you can almost bet it is really my attitude that is slipping. This post says pretty much exactly what I would want to say on this topic.
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