Siblings and new babies

I am 38 weeks today and I am scheduled to have this baby by C-section next Tuesday morning. It's a bit odd to know this time around when the baby is coming, but at the same time, sort of nice to be able to plan and not have this big unknown event hanging over me waiting to go off like a time bomb. I saw my Dr. yesterday and this baby still has not dropped, she said its likely this baby would not be born naturally either (my first labour failed to progress likely because my son's head couldn't/wouldn't drop down).
 As we live in a small town, our Hospital won't do VBAC's and if I had wanted to go that route, would have to have our baby in North Vancouver (an hour away), meaning all my prenatal appointments would have had to be there as well, meaning more time off work etc. etc. I did consider a Midwife as we have 1 in Squamish, but when I called her at 9 weeks pregnant she was already full for all of September (My due date was the 8th). She would have had to deliver the baby in North Van as well, but at least all of my appointments could have been closer to home. We are getting 2 more midwives, but they won't be practicing until October. Squamish is having a bit of a baby boom, for example my own Dr. had 10 babies due./born in August alone.

Anyways I guess I just provided all this back ground info on why I am not going for a VBAC, as people usually assume you should at least try. I am a little sad about not at least having trial labour, but based on the above I think this is the right choice for us.

Things that are occupying my thoughts this week are mostly about my first son, who is VERY excited about the baby. He now sleeps with his doll instead of his 2 puppies and wakes up every morning asking about his baby brother. We don't actually know the sex of the baby, but his friend Caleb has a baby brother so I think he just goes with that. At 2 (26 months) I am not sure he even gets the boy/girl thing (the concept in general), we remind him it may be a sister and that we have to wait and see.

Things we have done in preparing out first son for the new baby:

6 weeks ago we moved him into his room full time (he was co sleeping) into his own twin bed (I will blog about this process some other time).

Read stories about new babies. Mostly ones from the library; not just books about bringing a new baby home, but about babies in general. I did buy him the New Baby Little Critter  book, which has a little sister, I try to keep it gender neutral and just say "baby".

A doll- I bought him one at Christmas when we were first planning this baby and it is just a cabbage patch doll that actually ended up in the closet for a long time, but now we change it's diaper and swaddle it together.

Remind him about the routine for the day the baby is born: he will go to Nana's house, Mummy will go to the hospital and the Dr. will take the baby out from my tummy, and then Nana will bring him to hold the baby (he is very excited to hold the baby). Side note: We have been using this routine trick in other parts of his life as well, such as bed time or leaving somewhere, talking about 3 things that will happen so that he know what is coming. For example," we will read a story, then sing some songs, say our prayers, and then Mummy will leave the room for you to sleep",  we remind him during the routine this is what we are doing and we find that it works really well in avoiding melt downs.

I have also stocked up on little gifts for him so that when the baby gets gifts, he doesn't feel left out.

I know that Kris and Jill have blogged on this topic ages ago, but I can't find their posts (will look harder later), but I thought I would share my thoughts and see if anyone else has any tips to add.

The Big Question

Now at 25 weeks with an obvious baby bump I regularly get the question “Do you know what it is?”. This question use to bother me as neither my husband nor I want to know the sex of our children before they are born, however it is becoming more and more unusual not to find out.

I have to say that with the second time around I feel like it would be easier to plan if I knew what it was, but at the same time it wouldn’t change much either. We live in a tiny apartment and the baby will sleep in the same space regardless of sex. I have a ton of unisex clothing from our first son, so I don’t need to buy much at first, and if it is girl, well l she will just be dressed a little more like a tom boy.

I do think that knowing what gender the baby is would probably help a mother feel more bonded with her child pre-birth. If you know what you are having you can choose a name and begin having personal conversations with your child.  I find it is a little challenging to feel a connection to a being inside me when I have no idea who it is in there.

But call me old fashioned, I never open a present early and I don’t want to know. We are having a scheduled C-section (a whole other topic), so will know when we are having our baby, but we still want a little mystery in the excitement of our new arrival.

Any other thoughts on knowing, vs. not knowing?

Are Babies Really Confused?

There's been a lot of talk on the idea of nipple confusion. I don't think babies are confused as much as have a developed preference. Bottle feeding is a lot less work for them, so really it just makes sense if you are breastfeeding to wait to introduce a bottle. Make sure your supply is up and breastfeeding is well established before offering a bottle. By the same token if you do want your baby to bottle feed once in a while, don't wait as long as I did with my second child. He was 5 months old and wouldn't take it. He only wanted the goods from the source. A panic for me who was getting ready to go back to work. Generally speaking, wait a good month or so, then give it a try. You certainly can pump and freeze your milk in the meantime to have some ready for when you are ready for an evening out sans baby.
One nurse that I met with with my first child had me so worked up over this idea of nipple confusion that I was panicked to offer him a pacifier. So you can imagine my surprise when my newest addition was offered a pacifier in the hospital by the nurses. What was this? What about the nipple confusion? She hasn't figured out breastfeeding yet! The answer? Non-nutritive sucking. Babies have a strong desire to suck. It is an important part of their development. Sucking on a pacifier helps build their jaw and muscle strength (making for better breastfeeding). And let's face it, they are going to figure out pretty fast that the pacifier does not supply them with food. They will spit it out and demand the real thing. And it may just do what it should, soothe them. (makes me wish I'd listened to my instincts with my first and just given him the soother when I knew he wasn't hungry, he just wanted to suck). I think that's the mistake that pacifier opponents are worried about, parents over using the soother. Giving it instead of the breast. Or, too early from feeding so that the baby doesn't really get a good feed with the hindmilk causing the baby not to gain weight. Like anything with parenting decisions, use common sense when it comes to pacifier use. The'll take it if they want it.

Life in the NICU - Community

This is my last post on life in the NICU. I'm a couple of weeks removed from it now and think I've gotten most of what I wanted to say out of me. One last thing that struck me is how much community support I've gotten on this journey. First, from the staff at the NICU itself. They know what an unexpected journey having a preemie baby is. They are wonderfully well trained to not only help your baby get through, but also to help you get through too. Secondly, the other parents whose babies are in the NICU at the same time. You are all on different parts of the journey. You may not chat very much (if at all), but you know by the looks and smiles at each other that you all understand. Finally, my most unexpected source of NICU community was found online. A number of people have contacted me who have been through the NICU journey (on both this blog and my others). I was really touched and encouraged by your messages. So thank you!
If you are reading this post at some point because you are going through an NICU journey, don't hesitate to leave me a comment to let me know. I'd love to be a voice of encouragement for you. You aren't in this journey alone.

Life in the NICU - the monitors

The monitors will drive you nuts if you let them. All the babies in the NICU are hooked up to monitors. They keep track of their heartrate, oxygen saturation levels and Resps. They are a guide. And they aren't fool proof. It's pretty scary to watch your child's heartrate monitor flatline, but when you look down at them you know they are breathing and nice and pink. Sometimes it's just the monitor not picking it up. Or your child has squirmed so much that the monitors are now on top of each other and not reading correctly. Don't jump at all the bells and dings either. Relax about it. Yes, it is hypnotic to watch. The nurses themselves don't use those as the actual readings. They take the vitals for heart and resps themselves. So yes they are there, but they are a guide and remember, when you take your precious one home, they won't be hooked up to them anymore, you have to learn to look at your baby yourself to know what's going on with them. All in good time.

Life in the NICU - hospital observations

I spent a lot of time at the hospital over the past month. A few things stood out to me as I went through the halls. Of course the NICU is on the same floor as Labour and Delivery. I walked through the L&D waiting area every day, several times a day. It seemed to me that you were more likely to see anxious families waiting at night time. And you could tell how long they'd been there by how much trash was sitting nearby (pop cans, water bottles, chip bags...). You could also spot the 1st time parents vs. the been there done that parents quite easily. Those wandering around smiling and relaxed were not having their first baby. They were much too calm and a huge contrast to the first timers. The first timers seemed to have exaggerated pain (I don't know what their attitude to contractions in later labour would be like) and hovering, panicked looking dads. I wish them all well.
Another image that stuck with me happened in the cafeteria. There was a young doctor there holding court as if he was Doug Ross. Good looking guy. 3 other doctors around him, listening to his tales. And you could just tell they were talking about women. Very amusing.
The last image I want to share is the very important friend that burst into the NICU, oblivious (and unconcerned) about the visitor rules. Visitors to the NICU are limited to 4, one of which must be a parent. But there she was in full make up and heels, carrying the obligatory newborn gift shop set in blue. Turning her nose down at every other baby in there. Disregarding the nurses trying to get her attention. She finally submitted to one rather authoritative nurse, admitting that she hadn't washed her hands on entering. She wasn't a parent, and was not accompanied by one. Oops! It was pretty funny to watch.

Life in the NICU - Homecoming

My daughter was discharged from the NICU yesterday morning. We suspected she might be, but it was a Wednesday the earliest, or Thursday. I'm so glad it was Wednesday. She was doing everything she needed to do. Eating 100% orally, no respiratory problems, and passed her car seat test. All she needed was the doctor's okay. The pediatrician was more than happy to release her at last.
We packed up all her belongings (it's amazing how many things a little one can have at the hospital). I collected all that extra pumped breastmilk from the freezer (I am set for babysitters and eventually pablum down the road). My 2 year old and I took all her belongings to the car while the nurse finished her discharge package. My son was very concerned that we would forget to bring his sister home while we did this. We came back, I signed a form and collected the paperwork and we were off.
It was a very surreal feeling. I can't believe that my life isn't split between home and the hospital anymore. I made sure we went out that night. As it was Wednesday we went to the college where my husband is working on his Master's degree. Each Wednesday they have a community dinner. It was so nice to see other people and have our daughter welcomed as a member of the community there. Many, many people have been praying for her and we're so glad they did. Keep on praying as we make this transition home. I have more to say about our time in the NICU and will post a few more thoughts over the next few days. Keep checking in.

Life in the NICU - It's only eating????

The majority of my daughter's stay in the NICU has been concerned with feeding. Can she feed orally? Does she need a feeding tube? Premature babies do not yet have the jaw and muscle development to handle the suck/swallow combination. They also have probably had difficulty breathing. So combine breathe, suck, swallow and get enough food and by the way we're really little and tire easily...and you get a difficult time eating (breast or bottle fed alike).
So we started out pumping, a lot of pumping. Because she wasn't breastfeeding yet, I had to let my body know that yes, indeed I wanted this milk and I had to build up a supply for her needs. When she was ready to be tube fed, she tube fed my breastmilk. So I pumped, and I pumped, and I pumped. My milk came in. I stored it, she 'ate' it. And we started to breastfeed.
She needed help here. We used a lactation tool called a nursing shield that helped her nurse. Preemies often can't quite latch onto the breast without slipping off. A nipple shield is make of sillicone and fits right over your own nipple, allowing the baby to have an easier time of it. We also used a lot of breast compressions, helping her get to the milk that she needed.
We started off slowly. 2 ccs, 4 ccs, and then the jump to 10ccs, 14ccs. We enlisted the help of a lactation consultant - an absolute fountain of breastfeeding knowledge. She reminded me that 40-42 weeks gestation babies can have difficulty with breastfeeding initially, never mind these 35 week gestation babies, they shouldn't even be born yet, never mind learning all of this. She helped me get a better position for the latch and how to do a better breast compression. And just encouraged me. She'll get it, it just takes time. You can't rush development. Did she get it? All of a sudden she started to take 16-24 ccs per feed (she needed over 50 at this point - over 60 by the end) and then one day she took 51. 51! I was so excited. It was the first time I didn't have to end a feed by gavoging her (tube feeding). Then the full feeds started to take over until finally she went from being 7% oral to 65% and finally 100%. She needed to be 100% for over 48 hours to come home. Because I couldn't be there for every feed, I okayed the nurses to bottle feed her breastmilk on the feeds I was at home (you have to balance, and I have 3 children to care for). I stayed over nights in the parent courtesy room, sneaking off in the wee hours of the morning to get my kindergartener off to school.
Getting a preemie to eat orally is a lot of work, but neccessary work. You wonder if they will ever get it, but they do, all in their own time.

Life in the NICU - The Car Seat Test

Here it was, my big moment. I walked in the NICU carrying my daughter's car seat. I saw the looks of admiration/jealousy on the faces of other NICU parents. We all knew what this meant. Our time left in the NICU was running out, my girl would be coming home soon.
So what is this car seat test all about anyway? Basically, the baby sits in the car seat for an hour and half while on monitors and the nurses watch and records what happens. Car seats were not designed for premature babies. A lot of these babies have had some level of respiratory needs. The car seat test is designed to make sure that they are ready to go in a car seat and not go into respiratory distress.
My girl passed with flying colours!

Life in the NICU - the Sibling Factor

The NICU is a place of rest and healing. There is soft lighting and not a lot of noise. The nurses try to create a place resembling life in the womb to allow these little ones to grow.
My daughter has 2 noisy big brothers (ages 2 and 5) - what were we going to do with them. The first 2 weeks we were in the NICU we were quite blessed. My mom was here to help out. I could go up to the hospital and not worry about my boys, she had it all under control. Of course this couldn't last forever. She had responsibilities back home and had to go eventually. So how did I cope with balancing my daughters needs and my boys?
First - I took them both up for individual visits at the hospital so that they would know what was going on. I explained everything I could in language they would understand. I also let them know that yes, she would be leaving the hospital eventually and living with us (very important for my 2 year old who has been the family baby until now). I also packed a backpack full of activities for them. Colour Wonder colouring books, hot wheels cars, stickers and paper. Anything that would keep them quiet and busy while I tended to my daughters' needs.
Then we got ready to all go up together. I knew that the space we would be in was small for 2 busy boys. Before we even left for the hospital we talked about my expectations of them. They needed to stay quiet (for both their sister and the other babies), they needed to stick like glue to me (no running around and being foolish) and they needed to get along with each other, listening to me.
So we did it. We all went up. And the plan worked. I had both of them there at least once a day over the past week and a half. We always reviewed the hospital rules on the way there, and they amazed me by following through so well. I'm so proud of them! It can be done, you just have to figure out a way to do it.

Life in the NICU - the Nurses

I have total and complete respect for the job of an RN. They work ridiculously long shifts in a high demand environment. They are up to date in knowledge of their area of nursing. They also have the people skills needed to present information to their patients (or in my case) parents of patients.
I've seen a lot of nurses in the past few weeks. The NICU we are in staffs 40. I haven't seen all 40, but I've seen a lot of them. As the parent of a patient at the NICU, I would recommend that you do your best to chat with the nurses about what is going on. There isn't a ridiculous question to ask. You need to stay best informed about what is going on. Keeping in the loop with the doctor is also very important. If you have a plan (which you will) you want to make sure it is followed. Be polite, friendly and assertive (a fine balance when you are in an unfamiliar environment I know). If your experience is anything like mine, you will see several nurses (2-3 per day). Some will only be with you once, others you will see several times. They are very good about getting updated about your child. All the nurses conference about the babies at the end of and beginning of shifts to stay in the loop. Yes, it can sometimes be frustrating to see so many different people. They all have something to offer to their job and they all have their own gifts and talents. Just keep in mind that you all have the same goal, making sure that baby is healthy and on the road for home.
While I'm talking about the nurses, let me say that I could not do what they do. A lot of these ladies (I say ladies purely because the NICU staff at the hospital we are at are all women) work 12 hour shifts. 12 hours is a long, long time, especially if you are working the 12 hour nights. Some of these women do 2 days (12 hours each), have a one day turnaround and then do 2 nights (12 hours each). I don't know how they do it. They also can have times where everything is slow going and scheduled and then all of a sudden a new baby is being admitted (or several) and everything flips into high gear. Think about it this way. You know how needy a time it is just taking care of one newborn. Now imagine looking after 2 or 3 at a time. All of these babies are on monitors. Some need oxygen. All need feeding of some kind. Some are on medications. Some are in isolettes, others are in bassinettes. And then there are parents who are in and out. There are reports and paperwork to be filled out. Measurements and vitals to take. Always keeping track of each baby. And you aren't always with the same babies. You may have a couple days in a row with one baby, but the next shift you are with a completely different child. I admire their work, I really do. I've found the nurses I've seen to be extremely helpful and kind. Professional and friendly. They are both encouraging and realistic. They make this experience one that I know I can keep on keeping on with. My hat's off to them.

Life in the NICU - The Learning Curve

I wasn't prepared for a preemie. My record of giving birth had stood up pretty well, 2 babies, both full term. I really knew very little of what went on in the NICU. I knew there were small babies in there. I know someone who delivered her son at 28 weeks last year and spent 10 weeks traipsing back and forth from home to hospital.
I've learned a lot since then and learning curve is huge.
I first saw my daughter in the NICU the morning after she was born (yes, I did get to see her and hold her for a while before she was admitted in). As she was early, she was having some difficulty with breathing. She spent the first 5 days in an isolette, on and IV. Her first night she had a CPAP mask. When I first saw her inside, I saw lots of wires. Her little arm was splinted up and her breathing looked like a lot of work. I didn't know if I was allowed to touch her, or even how to open up the isolette. The nurse started filling me in with terms and plans that I knew nothing about.
3 weeks later I feel like and expert.
IV I knew already, I'd been hooked up to one of those myself. The IV provided the hydration that she needed. Once she was ready for it, her IV bag was changed from a sugar water formula to a TPN formula that contained more nutrients necessary, until she was ready to start to try to feed.
The CPAP mask helped to give her oxygen and just open up her lungs a little bit more.
The NG tube is a feeding tube, through her nose and into her tummy. It attaches to a syringe where my breastmilk is warmed up and placed in and goes directly down.
Everything in NICU is based on numbers at first. How many CCs is she taking of breastmilk? What is her weight today? How much does she need to eat in order to gain? What was in her diaper? How many diapers is she needing? How long is she sleeping? How long can she sleep before needing to feed again?
I hear other parents in the unit bay discussing all these things. I hear the nurses explaining it to them. And I feel somewhat educated now.
I know how to attach and unattach all those wire leads to weigh her. I know how to use the scale and double check her numbers. I know how to use her feeding tube unassisted. None of it scares me anymore. It's just part of life now.

Life in the NICU - Jealousy vs. Encouragement

The weekend my daughter was admitted to the NICU there were 21 babies in there. It was, by the nurses' own admission a crazy weekend. There are now 10 babies in the NICU. I've seen babies come and I've seen babies go. I know not all of them are in for prematurity. Some come in for dehydration, some for antibiotics, some are babies with sugar issues. My firstborn was one of these in and out babies. He spent one day in NICU purely because he was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. He was full term.
Of the babies I've seen listed on the board, there are only a few left who were there when my daughter was admitted. The rest are home. I do have a mixture of jealousy and encouragement about this. I'm jealous because I want my daughter home too. I'm encouraged because I can see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. These babies do get home eventually, they just all have their own paths and timelines.

Life in the NICU - Day 22

My daughter was born 5 weeks early. She is in the NICU. NICU stands for Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. She's now 3 weeks old and yes, she's still there. I keep reminding myself that technically she should still not even be born yet. Each day I celebrate little milestones that let me know we're one step closer to having her home. I know in my head that you can't rush development. There's nothing I can do, beyond what I'm doing to help her along.
I am glad that if one of my children had to be born prematurely that it was my 3rd and not my first. I remember the first weeks with my first child seemed endless. And I didn't know that it would get any better. With my third, I know that kids grow and develop and change. I know that she'll be eating 100% on her own (without a feeding tube) soon. She is currently at 63% whereas a week ago she was at 7%. Once that happens, she gets to move in with us.
I was thinking today of the things that I haven't gotten to do with her yet. I haven't gotten to cuddle with her just for the sake of cuddling. Most of my time holding her is for the sake of feeding her. I haven't taken her out for a walk in the stoller (though Toronto in February really doesn't lend itself to nice long walks). I haven't gotten to introduce her to anyone outside of the family yet. We haven't been to church or the mall. We haven't gone for a car ride. We haven't laid out on a blanket. We haven't gotten to have a regular routine yet...kinda. We have a routine, it's just not at home. I know we will get to do all of these things and more. I look forward to not hearing my oldest son ask when his 'sis' can come home. She'll just be here.
Today I'm just weary and wondering the 'when' part of the equation. Hopefully this week. We'll see.

What's in a name?

I've been spending a lot of time on the message boards at Babyfit.com lately. One of my groups is all women who are due in the same month as me. One of the hot topics seems to be "what do you think of this name?", or, "is this name getting too popular?", or, "Name poll please". And really why not? Picking a name for your baby is a completely personal, permanent decision that will affect your child for the rest of their life.
Of course I have an opinion on the whole naming your kid thing. I find picking a name extremely difficult. Not just to pick one I like, but one my husband likes and one that doesn't have a negative effect on either of us from past associations (ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-friends, ex-students). Yes, ex-students is the one that affects me most. I've been teaching for 11+ years. In that time I've worked with a lot of kids and have a lot of name associations. It's because of this that I have some advice for parents to be when it comes to naming your child.
First and foremost, pick a name that you absolutely love. You will be hearing it a lot.
Then try it out. Call it out loud a bunch of times. Say it fast, say it slow. Does it say anything to you that's different than you originally intended? Here's an example. I taught a girl named Sonata once. Pretty name, pretty song. Now try saying it fast. Do you hear what I hear? "Snot-a". What about the name Tierney? Looks pretty, sounds pretty. Do you hear anything else with it? What about 'tyranny'? Maybe not what you had in mind at first?
What about middle names and initials? Sometimes they spell words. Be careful what you are unintentionally spelling. Did you know that Michael J. Fox's middle name is really Andrew? He used a "J" instead of an "A" because he didn't want to be called Michael, a fox.
Think about nick-names too. Is the name you love going to get shortened into something you or your child may grow to hate?
What does the name mean? Is that important to you? I love the name Mary, but Mary means bitter. It makes be think twice about using it. Does your name have a meaning at all? Think of Suri Cruise. That is an example of a made up name. There is no meaning (unless you want to attach one to it). Or does your name mean something or associate with something that your child may not enjoy? I've taught a Pagan. Maybe her parents are pagans, but will she be? Delilah is a very pretty name gaining in popularity these days but I think Rachel on FRIENDS said it best, "my daughter's a biblical whore". (or something to that affect - before settling on Emma).
Speaking of which, how much does media and celebrity come into play when naming your child? I've taught Mariahs, Shanias, Kobes and Kieras. Emma was extremely rare before Emma was born on Friends. We're starting to see Maddox and Shiloh thanks to the Pitt-Jolie family.
How about popularity? Does that matter to you? I grew up as one of a few Kris's. Mine's Kristen. I've been Kris, Krissy, Kristi and Kristen over the course of my life so far. I was known as Krissy D. in school to differentiate me from Chrissy N. Had my brother been a girl he would have been one of many Jennifers that came out of the '70's. Jennifer is the most popular name among my friends. They survived it.
In my teaching career I've seen the wave of Ashleys and Jessicas. The Nathans and Ethans. I've had classes with 4 Brandons and variations similar (Brendan, Brayden, Brennan). Right now we're seeing the effects of girl M names - Makayla, Madison, Mackenzie, and Megan. Most classes I teach have at least one Aidan version (Jayden, Cayden, Brayden, Bayden, Kaydan, and Zayden - both male and female). And J's are usually Josh or Jacob. Many girls right now are Kira, Kiera, Kayla, Kara, and Kayla. Not sure where the name you love fits? Ask a teacher friend. Check popular names list (and check multiple spellings - Makayla doesn't usually make the list but when you look at all the spelling possibilities, it's one of the top ones (McKayla, Michaela, Mackayla etc).
And about spelling. Does spelling count? Well, do you want your child going through life spelling their name? Or, having someone not knowing what they said? I've had one Micheal in my career. I can imagine how often he says not Michael (traditional) but Micheal (made up spelling). Maybe he just goes by Mike by now?
And think about things like pre-made items with your child's name on it (mugs, piggy banks and bike license plates). Can you find your child's name in there? Does that matter to you? Do you think it might to your child?
How much does family influence matter to you? Are you prepared to defend your choice should your parents (or his) hate it? Or, do their objections make sense. Are they thinking about your child and how they will live with the name you want to give them? Maybe their objections are genuinely valid? Are you able to stand up to your own when they think they have found the perfect name for your child? My Nana was so sure and so insistant that we call our second child David. Nothing wrong with the name David, in fact we know lots of them, just not the name we wanted for our son. One thing to remember when it comes to family and baby naming, they've already had a shot at naming their kids, this one's yours.
And do you love the name you love so much that you are okay with keeping it no matter what? One my husband's good friends and his wife have a little boy 2 months older than our oldest son. Both boys have the same name. We had picked it and fell in love with it when I was 4 months pregnant. I couldn't believe that they had the same name all picked out. Oh well, 2 little boys who are extremely loved are growing up with the same name and sometimes they play together.
I'm just waiting now to see what happens with these next round of babies. You see my counterpart on this site, Jill and I are both pregnant (again at the same time - round 3). Our oldest kids are 7 weeks apart, our seconds are 7 weeks the other way around and now her next one is coming in Nov. and mine in Feb. We both have 2 boys and I'm just wondering if these babies are girls. I have a girl name all picked out and have for a few months now. Wouldn't it just be funny if she beat me to the punch? (although if she sticks with the "A" theme it won't happen). For the record I currently have no boy name picked out, but my husband has one he loves.
When it comes to naming your kids, it is up to you. You love what you love for a reason. So let it be. And let it be what it is. These are just tips and things to think about that I've learned and thought about along the way.
To find out more about naming your baby check these sites out:

-Find name meanings and store your favorites in a name basket - http://www.babyzone.com/babynames/

-Name generator with suggestions for first and middle names that go with your last name - http://babynamegenie.com/

-List of most popular names by countries around the world - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_most_popular_given_names

-List of the most popular baby names in Canada, 2007 - http://www.todaysparent.com/pregnancybirth/becomingparent/article.jsp?content=20050617_144619_5504

-Tracking the most popular baby names since 1879 in the USA - http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/

Why I Love Babywearing

Hey, I just found out that its International Baby Wearing Week! So I thought I would tell you about my experiences wearing my baby.

I have worn both of my sons from the time they were a week or two old. Andrew, my oldest, was a very fussy baby. He has always been slow to adapt to new situations, and this was extra true of his early life. He was not happy to be out of the womb, and had no problems at all letting everyone know this fact with his powerful, banshee-like scream. He wanted to be with me, see what I was doing and be involved in my world from the beginning. He would only sleep in my arms or on my tummy, settle and relax when he was in physical contact with me or my husband, and he hated to be anywhere away from home. I learned early on in our relationship that if I wanted to do anything but sit in a rocking chair all day or be screamed at, I would have to find a way to stay in constant physical contact with him while still moving around the house.

So, I became the ultimate baby wearer. I wore my son to the grocery store. I wore my son at church.I wore my son around the house. I wore my son to playgroup and on walks and to the mall. I wore him to comfort him when we were away from home. I wore him to soothe him when he got to the end of the day and couldn't handle the big, bright, noisy world any longer. I wore him to help him go back to sleep in the middle of the night when his tummy was full and he was still fussy. I tried all different kinds of carriers, and had different favorites for different situations. I learned that for us, babywearing worked for almost every situation.

My second son, Aaron, was a much more relaxed, adaptable child. But since I had a two and a half year old and it was the middle of winter when he was born, he spent a lot of time in the sling or, by his preference, the mei tai. He got to watch his brother play and watch his mommy sew and cook and clean and he got to snuggle with Dad in the evenings while Mom had a shower, all from the comfort of his favorite snuggly fabric homes. In many, many circumstances, babywearing allowed me to meet the needs of both of my young children very effectively. Andrew could get the attention and action he craved, and Aaron could get the nursing and snuggling he needed to thrive as an infant. As Aaron grew, he would happily stay in the sling for part of the day, and then fuss to get out. I would lay him on a blanket or bouncy chair on the floor where he could satisfy his greater need for play and movement and watching his brother.

This is me, just over two years ago, wearing my second son, Aaron:


And this is my husband Dave, wearing Aaron when he was about a month old. Dave used to wear Aaron at night, after Andrew had gone to bed, so I could have a shower and some time seperate from my newborn.


Because I live in a smaller community, I used to be known as the babywearing lady. I was the only one in town who wore her baby all the time, and out in public. But I have noticed more and more women using slings over the five years I have lived and parented here, and I think it is a great thing. Here's a few reasons why:

- Easy attachment: most early childhood experts these days agree that a child's attachment to parents or other care givers in the first year or two of life is essential to their later emotional health and ability to relate to others. Essentially what this means is that as we as parents learn to listen to and respond to our child's needs, we teach our children that the world is a safe place, that they are loved and valued and that when they communicate, someone listens. Later on, children who have strong early attachments tend to be more resilient. When our babies are right there with us, they feel safe and secure. They can easily communicate when they are hungry or uncomfortable, and we are more able to respond to their early, non-screaming cues because they are so close at hand. There are lots of responsive parents who do not wear their children, but in my experience it can make it easier to respond to your child's needs.

- Free hands: when you have a baby or small child, you will end up carrying them a lot. Children like to be close to their parents. We provide them with a sense of security and safety as they enter the wide, confusing world. A sling or wrap allows you to carry them while pushing a grocery cart, getting coffee, making supper or chasing your older children.

- Instant entertainment: our culture is really into stimulating and entertaining our children from the time they are infants. I believe one of the best ways to stimulate your child is to wear them in a sling. From about 3 or 4 months on, my boys loved to be carried forward facing so that they could see everything I was doing. What could be more exciting than a cupboard full of packages or a shiny sink of bubbly soap and dishes? How much more interesting would it be to see people's faces instead of their knees when they are visiting with your mom? Real people and objects are fascinating to babies. So let them get up close.

- Discreet breastfeeding: once you get the hang of it, it is easy to discreetly nurse your baby or small child in a ring sling. Not only is is discreet, but you can steady the baby's head with one hand and continue shopping, vacuming or watching your older child play at the park. I have often had people not even realize I was nursing while babywearing. I find this is most effective in the early months. Both my boys liked to have their heads out of the sling to nurse after about 5 or 6 months.

- Travelling simplified: both Kris and I have traveled internationally using slings. When you want to check out that cool shopping district in another city, or eat lunch in that pub even though you know your child is going to be hungry soon, or get on the bus and head out to that attraction without having to lug a stroller on board, or take your child with you as you wander through a ruined castle or abbey that is on uneven, unkept ground at the side of the road, a sling or wrap is your best friend. In your own town or city it means no more lugging around a 20 lb car seat through the mall, or manouvering an unwieldy stroller up the elevator.

- Lazy person friendly: Honestly, I am pretty lazy. I try to do things the easiest way possible that is still virtuous. For me, babywearing is one way I can promote attachment with my child, keep them entertained, get things done and go where I want when I want to. Sounds pretty clever to me. How about you?

If you have worn your baby, what have you enjoyed the most about it?

That New Baby

I was feeling awfully nostalgic today. There's a song on the country stations right now that has a line about the first time you hold him (meaning your newborn). Ahh, I just melt. I remember exactly what it felt like to hold my newborn babies skin to skin. And their skin was so soft and their shoulders so little. It's an absolute melt you moment.
An associated memory was the next step, starting nursing. I wasn't prepared for it really. Here I had just spent hours and hours in labour. I didn't remember the last time I had eaten (and anyways lost what I had eaten in the labouring process). I really just wanted to know that my babies were okay, have a shower and go to sleep. But no. That baby has worked hard too. That baby was now hungry and there was no umbilical cord feeding him anymore.
I remember with my first how the nurse told me to just let her know when my son was ready to nurse and she'd help us out. Great! How do I know when he's ready? I mean really, this was brand new to me. I'd already done something I'd never done before that day, it was called giving birth. Now I had to learn another skill. (Look out for hunger signs such as him smacking his lips, licking his lips, opening and closing his mouth - and really, they do want to try to eat within that first hour. I mean wouldn't you want a little something if you'd had to do all that hard work?)
I was a little more prepared for the fact that everything wasn't all over once I had my second baby. I knew this time that they (meaning the doctors and nurses) wanted a good nursing attempt within the hour. I just had to remember how to do it with a newborn who had no idea (just instinct) what he was doing.
It really is a learned skill. It can be awkward and frustrating for the both of you. Jill wrote some great stuff on how to breastfeed. I didn't want to get into that with this post, I really just wanted to live in memory land of my newborns. Those little shoulders, that soft skin, those perfect tiny faces...

The Wheel by Victoria Banks

You come into the world kickin and screamin
The clock starts ticking with the breath youre breathin
Tiny hands, tiny feet and all you do is eat and sleep
Then you blink your eyes and crawlin across the floor
Then you blink them again and youre runnin out the door
For a tire swing, a school bus, and a second hand Chevy
And you're kickin up dust
It happened so fast, just like that


Oh, the wheel keeps turnin and the flame keeps burnin
And the hunger in the heart and the spirit of a soul keeps yearnin
And the wheel keeps turnin


You fall for love on a prayer and a wing
And your heart gets broken and you feel that sting
Then you fall again, and it sure feels right
And a half a second later theyre throwin rice
Then youre back to work and the honeymoons done
Boy, time flies when youre havin fun
You buy a little house with a leaky roof
Then youre paintin that nursery baby blue
The first time you hold him it starts all over


Oh, the wheel keeps turnin and the flame keeps burnin
And the hunger in the heart and the spirit of a soul keeps yearnin
And the wheel keeps turnin


The sun comes up and the moon goes down
The rock in the sky spins round and round
Its one more day here on the ground as the stars roll by
You live and learn breakin bins, say a little prayer when the daylight ends
Wake in the mornin, do it all again, its a crazy ride


Oh, the wheel keeps turnin and the flame keeps burnin
And the hunger in the heart and the spirit of a soul keeps yearnin
And the wheel keeps turnin


You come into the world kickin and screamin
And the wheel keeps turnin

Babymoon

Honeymoons are very well known ideas. Time for a recently married couple to be alone together. Often they take a trip, unwinding from the hoopla surrounding the wedding. It's designed to be a time of relaxation. A time to get to know each other as husband and wife. A time to be treasured.
Babymoons are not as well known. They are every bit as important. A babymoon is taking time to get to know your baby in relative peace. A time where you take the phone off the hook (that's why we have call answering services). A time when you don't neccessarily answer the door. A time of peace and adjustment.
I know what you are thinking. How is that even remotely possible? Everyone wants to meet the baby. How do you turn away friends, family and acquaintances who come bearing gifts without giving them time to hold the little one? Is that fair?
Here's a story from our first days with our little one that demonstrates how it's okay to say no.
As I'd said our little one was newborn. It was sometime in the first few days of life when we were really adjusting to having him around. We'd both had very little sleep. My parents (who were his first scheduled visitors) had not yet arrived from across the country. My husband was napping. My baby was napping in my arms and I was just enjoying the silence. A knock on the door. Who was it? Aquaintance friends of ours. These are not good friends. These are not people we have over on a regular basis. These are just people we know. Well intentioned people. They came bearing gifts and wanted into our little haven and proceded to enter our living room and sit on our couch. Of course this little disruption woke my son. And now he wanted to eat. Being a new mom and new to nursing, I hadn't yet warmed to the idea of nursing in front of other people. I went down the hall to wake my snoozing husband, hoping he would be able to get up to entertain these people so I could feed our son. Unfortunately, having had very little regular sleep he had fallen into that deep sleep that's hard to rouse from and was not very coherant. I started to go into panic mode. What am I going to do? I was not very good at speaking up for myself and being somewhat sleep deprived myself I couldn't quite figure out how to politely say, 'this isn't a good time'. I could see the look of 'I want to hold the baby' in the wife's eyes. Fortunately, her husband started to clue in and finally declared that they would go.
My husband I decided that we would be a little more pro-active in sending out the message that yes, indeed we were extremely thankful and grateful that people wanted to come by and drop off meals and gifts. And that we would be more than happy to visit with them in a couple of weeks, once we got into the swing of creating a routine. We changed our answering machine message to declare that they had reached our little family of three, making sure to include the details of his birth (date, time, weight, length) with a gentle message of we are enjoying this time to get to know each other and would return their call within the next few days. People respected that. We also made a sign on the door reminding people that there was a new baby sleeping in the house and we may not be able to answer the door. It worked. People were very polite and respectful about it. One of our good friends offered to keep track of people who wanted to bless us with a meal and arranged for the pickup and delivery of them (a very handy thing especially if you can arrange for it beforehand). And really, no one was offended. If they had children of their own they remembered those days and remarked that they wished they had guarded that time more carefully. It just whizzes by and is such a blur.
Everyone who wanted to meet our son met him within the first month, but more importantly we got to spend those first few days with our son, just us learning how to be a family together.

Oh Baby, what have we gotten ourselves into?

One of my clearest memories with my first child was leaving the hospital with him a couple of days after he was born. I had had a lovely couple of days cocooned up in relative silence (as relative as a hospital can be), with all of my needs taken care of. I didn't have to cook (not that I adore hospital food, but it was one less thing I had to worry about). I could have a bath and knew that my son was being well looked after with a nurse. If I was having any pain or trouble nursing someone knowledgable was just a bell ring away. This is all very reassuring when you are a brand new mother. However, I was not prepared for the leaving time, not really anyway. I knew I wanted to go home, but the reality was completely different.

The first thing that hit me was walking out into the parking lot. My husband and I were toting this tiny little person into a world where cars were idling just outside the door. I couldn't believe how offended I was that they would dare pollute my child's lungs (talk about mother bear instinct kicking in). And the noise! I couldn't get over it. I kept peeking at his little face to make sure that he was okay.

As we drove home, this unmistakable panic set in. Do they (meaning the hospital staff) know what they are doing, letting us bring him home? Are they sure about this? Are we really that reliable and knowledgable to go it alone? What the heck are they thinking? What are we thinking? And the car fell silent. I took one look at my husband and knew he was thinking the same thing. It wasn't just the two of us anymore. There is a third.

Once we got home we realised something else very important: what were we going to do about dinner? Neither of us were in any state to cook. Thank goodness for take out. Yes, our official 1st meal as a family of 3 was from Wendy's. Well, his and mine were, our little one had breastmilk.

Slowly but surely we began to breathe again. We started to remember our plan for our time of baby-moon (just us and him, more on that to follow). I remembered that I had many, many resources around me. I had books, I had friends, I had family. Books helped remind me of the basics of a newborn. Friends started to drop off dinners. Family came to visit and help out with baby care (and new-Mommy care). Doctors and lactation consultants were just a phone call or visit away, ready to help. Most of all we had each other.

We had created this tiny, perfect little being. Yes he was a heck of a lot of work, but totally and completely worth it. Instant love.