Mother's Day Reflections

Being Mother’s day in a few days I have been reflecting on being a Mother and on my own experience. I have to say I thought it would be easier. I am the oldest of a family of 6, my youngest sibling is 15 years younger than me. I figured I had a ton of “mothering” experience, also part of the reason I was in no hurry to have my own children. We got married at 22, but did not start our family until we were 29.

In the first weeks, months, now years I am continually surprised in how much work it is to be a mother, and a wife and all the other roles required of me in my life.

To work 40 hours a week, stay on top of groceries, laundry, house work, spend enough time with my husband and child, requires so much more of me than I thought.

I always thought I would be a really laid back parent, but I find I worry about all sorts of things I never thought I would. More and more I realize that being a parent is learned, it is not a natural thing. Like most people I am sure, I like to be good at what I do, I avoid things that I can’t pick up relatively quickly, I hate to make mistakes, and as a parent I do….daily.

Anyways what I wanted to get at is that I like to feel sorry for myself, to think that I have so much to do, and not enough support from my husband. I catch myself when I start to do this, because I cannot help but think how good I really do have it compared to the majority of woman around the world. If I think about what my life would look like it I was a woman in Afghanistan, India, Africa, or any number of any countries where woman are barely considered human  I cannot even compare my complaints to what their reality is.

I read stories such as these here, and feel wretched that I ever complain about the lot I was blessed with in life. These women are faced with unbelievable treatment for circumstances that are fairly beyond their control, yet they persevere and do not give up in order to provide the best future for their children.

Really as a mother in North America, I have nothing to complain about.

A Parent is Born Blog Tour - Back to Work

Clever Mamas is pleased to be part of Mom Central and Pampers' "A Parent is Born" blog tour. Several parenting blogs are taking part in this fun initiative. We've been asked to give our best tips on one of two topics: How to cope with going back to work, or, baby/mama sleep tips. I'll confess that I need the baby/mama sleep tips for myself (my motto has always been get it while you can and enjoy it), but I do have a few insights into heading back to work.

I'm currently preparing for my 3rd maternity leave as I write this (2 weeks of work left!). Seeing as this is my 3rd baby, I've dealt with heading back to work after baby twice before. Both experiences were completely different. I had the good fortune of having a 14 month leave after having my first child. I enjoyed every minute of my time off with my son. I had the full year to nurse him and wean him. He was eating well and he had been left with sitters before. That would be my first going back to work tip:

1) Make sure your first day back at work is not the first time you and your child have had time apart. Take time during your maternity leave to go out without him.

2) Find a daycare provider that you really like and are comfortable with. This was my biggest struggle with going back to work with my first child. I didn't know who I was going to leave him with. We do not have family that lives locally to us. I was also going back to work part time. In the province I live in there is no part time infant care available at licenced daycares (infant describing any child under the age of 2). I needed to find a home daycare situation and fast. I did find one, but felt the pressure of "is this the right place for him to be at?" quite a bit.

Going back to work with my second child was a completely different experience. For one thing, I couldn't afford to take the entire year's maternity leave after having worked part time prior to having him. I ended up taking a 6 month leave, so he was much younger than his brother had been. I was still nursing him and just introducing him to solid food at this time. This made things a little trickier.

3) If you are nursing your baby, ensure that they are introduced to a bottle well before your return to work. Pump and freeze your milk so that you have enough supply for your child while you are away. Make sure you are not the only person who gives your baby a bottle. My husband drove our son to my work on my first day back because he (the baby) was in such a state over recieving a bottle from dad instead of mom. That is not an ideal situation. He did learn to take a bottle, from both my husband and our daycare provider, but it really was a learning process.

4) Build time into your day to express breast milk if you are still nursing. You want to keep your supply up and your freezer full for your baby. You know your workplace best. There are quiet, private places that you can do this. Talk to your supervisor if finding a place to express seems difficult for you. There may be a private office you can use on your coffee break and/or lunch hour for 15 minutes. I had 2 days a week that I travelled between 2 schools on my lunch break(I'm a teacher). On those days I packed a cold lunch, parked at a park on the way to my next school and pumped while I ate. It worked for me. You have to find what works for you. On my regular school breaks, I would lock my empty classroom door, cover the window, sit at my desk and pump. That worked too. It worked because I had to make the decision to find a way to work it. I did continue to nurse my son until he was 17 months. A lot of moms I speak to seem amazed by that, especially considering he was only 6 months old when I went back to work. It was something that was important for me,a choice I made as his mother.

My 5th and final tip on this subject comes from welcoming other mothers back to work after their maternity leaves:

5) Find a work buddy who understands what you are going through. Usually, another mother on staff is the one who will 'get it'. It is difficult to work outside the home. I know I wished I could stay home with my babies forever, but that just wasn't practical for our family situation. The staff I worked with had many women all around the same age and place in life. I remember catching the eye of one co-worker on her first day back to work and I saw 'the look'. I pulled her aside just to let her know that I understood. She took a deep breath and smiled through watery eyes. There were many short 'mama meetings' on the side as she adjusted back to working life. Sometimes just knowing you aren't alone helps so much.

What about you? Do you have any great Mama tips to share with the world? You too can join in on the fun. Go to http://www.momcentral.com/cms/103748/pampers_a_parent_is_born and leave your best tips with them. You could win one of 25 $20 gift cards, or the grand prize of $500!

Giving Our Kids Our Best

I teach. That's my job. Yes, I'm fortunate to get all my weekends and vacations off and I'm glad I do, but that's not why I do it. Ask most teachers and they will tell you they teach because they love their job. They couldn't do it otherwise. As my teaching career has progressed I've found it taking more and more energy. It could be that I'm a little older than I was when I started, but the more likely reason (from my own observations) is that the kids I'm seeing need more from us. I have kids who come to school hungry, who have worn out shoes and too small clothes. I had a student last year during the coldest part of winter tell me how lucky I was that I had heat in my classroom because they had no heat in their home. I know it's sad. It's very sad. And it's very draining.
Lately, I've been wondering if I'm giving my very best to my kids at school and less and less of my best to my own kids at home. It's a tough one. I'm a working mom. I want to give my best in both places. Both places deserve my very best, but how? How when you have a high energy job can you come home at the end of the day and still be fresh? Also knowing you have house things to do? Dinner. Laundry. Homework. Baths. Swimming lessons. How can you be your best and have quality time and make sure your own kids are happy? I'm really conscientious of this right now. Because of that I know I'm not getting it, but I can start taking steps to 'get it'.
Here are some things I'm trying to make better time for my kids and with my kids:
1. Game Time - my oldest son and I have started playing games like Memory and Go Fish. My youngest isn't ready for these games yet, but likes games like hide and go seek and pop bottle bowling
2. Bedtime routine extentions - Instead of rushing through brushing teeth and cleaning up to pop the kids into bed, I'm starting bedtime earlier. It gives us more story time, prayer time and talk time. I picked this one up from my own mom. Both my brother and I have fond memories of talk time before bed each night.
3. Taking my kids out for 'dates' - just one kid at a time. It can be as simple as going down to Tim Hortons to share a hot chocolate or taking a walk around the neighbourhood. They know that all my attention is on them when we are on our 'dates'.
4. Family Day Saturdays - unfortunately, this one we can't always do as my husband's work schedule causes him to work some weekends, but most Saturdays are days we set aside to be with each other. We go hiking or to the beach in the summer, now that's it's fall we can still do outings, they are just a little different. This past weekend we went to the farmer's market and the apple orchard to go apple picking.
5. Having the kids give me a hand where I need it. Both my kids like to help in the kitchen so why not give them a chance to help make cookies or stir up some juice?
I know these are just little things and I have a ways to go. What ideas do you have to make the most of your time with your kids?