The Amazing Baby Race

How timely that Jill should post on babies & sleep so recently. Today I find myself once again in the middle of the Amazing Baby Race. I know I'm nearing the end of this round so you'll have to excuse any typos. This round is the laundry/assist the boys room clean up/make & eat lunch/check my email and write one blog post round. What is the Amazing Baby Race you ask? It's the stretch of time you have between baby feeds while baby is happy and napping to get whatever you can get done done. This morning we played the have a shower/get boys breakfast/help 2 year old dress/eat my own breakfast/do one round of laundry/unload and reload the dishwasher round. I'm always impressed if I can do this and walk my oldest to school as well (today is Saturday so that was one less task to do). What impressive stretches have you managed in your own Amazing Baby Race?

Some Thoughts on Sleep and Babies

Sleep. Anyone with young children will tell you that one of their biggest priorities is getting enough sleep. And one of the biggest hot button issues in the mommy wars is the question of sleep training. Should you train your baby to sleep longer? If so, at what age? Using what method? I am not a sleep trainer, and that is not really what this post is about anyway.

Both of my boys slept in short chunks. My oldest never slept more than 2 hrs straight until he was about 6 months, and still sleeps very little for his age. My second son maxxed out at 4 hrs of straight sleep all through his first year. I co-slept with my boys and at around 18 months, when I felt constant sleep deprivation turning me into an ogre, I night weaned them. Despite this fact, they still woke up at night at least once. My three year old still wakes every night to go pee and have a drink, right around the same time I used to wake up to nurse him.

That being said, I had always thought that people who said their young babies slept for 6 or 7 hrs straight were just lying to me. And then, I had Emma. She has slept 6 hours straight at night since she was about 2 weeks old. And she sleeps around 18 hrs a day most days. She is amazing. Now if only she slept at the same time as her brothers did, I would be set for life.

This brings me to a simple, often overlooked conclusion: Babies sleep when they sleep. Babies sleep as much as they need to. Some sleep more, and in longer chunks. Some sleep in shorter chunks, and need less sleep.

I've always wondered why this surprises us so much. After all, I need 7 or 8 hrs of sleep a night to be healthy and in optimal condition for the day. My husband needs more like 10 hours of sleep. My father only slept for 5 or 6 hours a night and had plenty of energy. Some adults are light sleepers, while some sleep heavily. In adults, we expect variations in sleep patterns and habits. And yet we expect our children to all sleep in an ordered, controlled, predictable fashion.

Yes, it is inconvenient for us when our children don't need as much sleep as we do. Yes, it is frustrating when we must stay up late with one child, and wake up early with another. It is disruptive to our schedules and lives when our baby sleeps all day and is awake all night, or only sleeps in two hour chunks. But just like adults, babies are people. People with their own unique rhythms and needs.

Life in the NICU - the monitors

The monitors will drive you nuts if you let them. All the babies in the NICU are hooked up to monitors. They keep track of their heartrate, oxygen saturation levels and Resps. They are a guide. And they aren't fool proof. It's pretty scary to watch your child's heartrate monitor flatline, but when you look down at them you know they are breathing and nice and pink. Sometimes it's just the monitor not picking it up. Or your child has squirmed so much that the monitors are now on top of each other and not reading correctly. Don't jump at all the bells and dings either. Relax about it. Yes, it is hypnotic to watch. The nurses themselves don't use those as the actual readings. They take the vitals for heart and resps themselves. So yes they are there, but they are a guide and remember, when you take your precious one home, they won't be hooked up to them anymore, you have to learn to look at your baby yourself to know what's going on with them. All in good time.

Life in the NICU - hospital observations

I spent a lot of time at the hospital over the past month. A few things stood out to me as I went through the halls. Of course the NICU is on the same floor as Labour and Delivery. I walked through the L&D waiting area every day, several times a day. It seemed to me that you were more likely to see anxious families waiting at night time. And you could tell how long they'd been there by how much trash was sitting nearby (pop cans, water bottles, chip bags...). You could also spot the 1st time parents vs. the been there done that parents quite easily. Those wandering around smiling and relaxed were not having their first baby. They were much too calm and a huge contrast to the first timers. The first timers seemed to have exaggerated pain (I don't know what their attitude to contractions in later labour would be like) and hovering, panicked looking dads. I wish them all well.
Another image that stuck with me happened in the cafeteria. There was a young doctor there holding court as if he was Doug Ross. Good looking guy. 3 other doctors around him, listening to his tales. And you could just tell they were talking about women. Very amusing.
The last image I want to share is the very important friend that burst into the NICU, oblivious (and unconcerned) about the visitor rules. Visitors to the NICU are limited to 4, one of which must be a parent. But there she was in full make up and heels, carrying the obligatory newborn gift shop set in blue. Turning her nose down at every other baby in there. Disregarding the nurses trying to get her attention. She finally submitted to one rather authoritative nurse, admitting that she hadn't washed her hands on entering. She wasn't a parent, and was not accompanied by one. Oops! It was pretty funny to watch.

Life in the NICU - Homecoming

My daughter was discharged from the NICU yesterday morning. We suspected she might be, but it was a Wednesday the earliest, or Thursday. I'm so glad it was Wednesday. She was doing everything she needed to do. Eating 100% orally, no respiratory problems, and passed her car seat test. All she needed was the doctor's okay. The pediatrician was more than happy to release her at last.
We packed up all her belongings (it's amazing how many things a little one can have at the hospital). I collected all that extra pumped breastmilk from the freezer (I am set for babysitters and eventually pablum down the road). My 2 year old and I took all her belongings to the car while the nurse finished her discharge package. My son was very concerned that we would forget to bring his sister home while we did this. We came back, I signed a form and collected the paperwork and we were off.
It was a very surreal feeling. I can't believe that my life isn't split between home and the hospital anymore. I made sure we went out that night. As it was Wednesday we went to the college where my husband is working on his Master's degree. Each Wednesday they have a community dinner. It was so nice to see other people and have our daughter welcomed as a member of the community there. Many, many people have been praying for her and we're so glad they did. Keep on praying as we make this transition home. I have more to say about our time in the NICU and will post a few more thoughts over the next few days. Keep checking in.

Giving Babies their Space

I am an all out supporter of attachment parenting. I read The Baby Book from cover to cover when my oldest was a week old (because I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do with this screaming, sucking, ball of frustration that had thrust himself upon us). I have practiced Attachment Parenting with all my kids. But I've discovered that even in the midst of bonding and babywearing and breastfeeding, sometimes babies just need a little room to breathe.

My oldest son was a classic high needs baby - he wanted to be on me 24-7 for the first six months of his life. He wanted to be in arms reach of mom for the first three years of his life. Even now he regularly checks in on me if I'm not in the same room as he is. He has always been an intense guy.

Because I was always so close to him, I could always watch when he was learning something new. I would often point out to him when he was doing something new. "Look, you just caught the ball!" " You shook the rattle!" "You used the spoon yourself!" "You drew a circle!". I thought this encouragement and parental excitement would encourage him and help him to realize the connections he was making.

Over time, I've realized that its actually had the opposite effect. The first time kids do something, they are just starting to try it. They need to repeat their effort and practice to become competent at a skill. By getting all excited, I am actually distracting them from whatever they are concentrating on, and short circuiting their learning. I am over-noticing them.

Not only that, but the noticing can have adverse effects of our children's psyche. My oldest is nervous about trying anything new. When he does try something new it takes a lot of noticing and noise making on my part to get him to continue to do it. Sometimes he does something new once and then shies away from it - worried to try it again until weeks or even months later. For example, he drew his first human figure the September he turned four. He drew two more, and then got frustrated. And didn't draw anything again until April of the same year. All my noticing and commenting has given him a huge case of performance anxiety.

In the last year or so, I have struck more of a balance between letting him know that I am proud of his increasing skills ("Hey, I can read what your wrote in your agenda book today!") and just letting him be. This has gradually caused his anxiety to ease off, and helped him to try new things.

I have remembered this lesson with my two younger children. They get less notice and praise for the things they do, and consequently, my second child tends to be more self motivated. He will do things just becuase he wants to, and maybe show me. If I give him too much attention over something he has just done, he will wreck it.

The other day, Emma (my new baby) was sitting in her bouncy seat, looking at some toys. She is just starting to reach out and bat at things, and she was waving her arms aimlessly. Then, I watched as she stopped, concentrated, and purposefully reached out and batted at her little cow. My first instinct was to get excited, distract her from her activity and engage her in talking to me. Instead, I let her be. She kept focusing on the cow, reached out and batted it again, and then smiled. She was happy about her new ability, and I had allowed her to enjoy her moment of mastery over those flailing little arms.

Life in the NICU - It's only eating????

The majority of my daughter's stay in the NICU has been concerned with feeding. Can she feed orally? Does she need a feeding tube? Premature babies do not yet have the jaw and muscle development to handle the suck/swallow combination. They also have probably had difficulty breathing. So combine breathe, suck, swallow and get enough food and by the way we're really little and tire easily...and you get a difficult time eating (breast or bottle fed alike).
So we started out pumping, a lot of pumping. Because she wasn't breastfeeding yet, I had to let my body know that yes, indeed I wanted this milk and I had to build up a supply for her needs. When she was ready to be tube fed, she tube fed my breastmilk. So I pumped, and I pumped, and I pumped. My milk came in. I stored it, she 'ate' it. And we started to breastfeed.
She needed help here. We used a lactation tool called a nursing shield that helped her nurse. Preemies often can't quite latch onto the breast without slipping off. A nipple shield is make of sillicone and fits right over your own nipple, allowing the baby to have an easier time of it. We also used a lot of breast compressions, helping her get to the milk that she needed.
We started off slowly. 2 ccs, 4 ccs, and then the jump to 10ccs, 14ccs. We enlisted the help of a lactation consultant - an absolute fountain of breastfeeding knowledge. She reminded me that 40-42 weeks gestation babies can have difficulty with breastfeeding initially, never mind these 35 week gestation babies, they shouldn't even be born yet, never mind learning all of this. She helped me get a better position for the latch and how to do a better breast compression. And just encouraged me. She'll get it, it just takes time. You can't rush development. Did she get it? All of a sudden she started to take 16-24 ccs per feed (she needed over 50 at this point - over 60 by the end) and then one day she took 51. 51! I was so excited. It was the first time I didn't have to end a feed by gavoging her (tube feeding). Then the full feeds started to take over until finally she went from being 7% oral to 65% and finally 100%. She needed to be 100% for over 48 hours to come home. Because I couldn't be there for every feed, I okayed the nurses to bottle feed her breastmilk on the feeds I was at home (you have to balance, and I have 3 children to care for). I stayed over nights in the parent courtesy room, sneaking off in the wee hours of the morning to get my kindergartener off to school.
Getting a preemie to eat orally is a lot of work, but neccessary work. You wonder if they will ever get it, but they do, all in their own time.